Why Settle for Your Reader’s Wallet When You Can Get in Her PANTS?

Author Kristen Lamb, Kristen Lamb, WANA, We Are Not Alone, writers social media

Spam is so yesterday. Today’s savvy writer trusts Panty Prose for the Published Professional…

Okay, any of you who regularly follow my blog know that I am totally out of my mind a bit eccentric. This past weekend I was speaking at the Idaho Book Extravaganza, and I had to excuse myself to the ladies’ room. As I closed the door to the stall, I noticed all the advertising on the back of the bathroom door. This cluttered wall of ads made me think about all the authors spamming non-stop about their books on Facebook and Twitter.

Writers were becoming worse than an Amway rep crossed with a Jehovah’s Witness. I mean, could the author book promotion get any more invasive?

Wait…

Maybe it could.

I’ve blogged so many times about the dangers of automation and how spamming people is counterproductive. I’ve talked until I am blue about how advertising our books has a terrible ROI (return on investment) and how most people don’t pay attention to it. Ah, but then it hit me. The main reason spam doesn’t work is because people ignore it and no longer “see” it, but what would they see?

Panty Prose—Not Advertising, Padvertising (TM)

We all know that roughly 85% of readers are women, and what do women need? Panty liners. YES, but what do they need more than springtime fresh girl parts? More FREE! books. Indie authors shouldn’t spam about their latest book release or free title on KDP select.

Why?

Because it’s rude? No! Because it is obnoxious? Not quite. Because it smacks of desperation? Not at all. The reason authors shouldn’t spam about their books is because spam is for amateurs.

The real writer of the Digital Age doesn’t settle on blasting out non-stop self-promotional tweets. That is SO 2011. The REAL writer of the Digital Age realizes a captive audience is a a buying audience.

Catch readers with their pants down with Panty Prose.

Panty Prose is perfect for the indie author. Most readers are female and even females need something to read in the bathroom. We at Panty Prose (a new imaginary division of WANA International) have teamed up with Always against their will to offer your readers the best deals right in their pants.

Panty Prose not only offers you Padvertising to a guaranteed clientele, but we have all kinds of layouts to suit your Padvertising needs. Technology is your friend with Panty Prose. Put your book where it counts…

Sell like a pro!

At Panty Prose, we even make it affordable for you to place your face in your reader’s pants…

Affordable Packages Available!

As you can see, Panty Prose is inserting your ads into a virgin market begging to be tapped.

Why are all the romance authors giggling?

Anyway, while others might see a protective strip that gets tossed in the bin, we see an unused space to Padvertise your latest novel AND save trees! Instead of throwing away that paper strip, we can print of lines from your book so fans can collect them ALL…

Kristen Lamb, Author Kristen Lamb, WANA, We Are Not Alone

Make Your Readers Your Fan for ALWAYS….

My brilliant WANA International Operations Manager, Chad, was happy to step in and help me launch the Panty Prose Motivational Series:

Panty Prompts for Writers:

Serious Chad, The Choice for Writers

Panty Praise:

Available in “You’re Losing Weight” and “No, Your Butt Doesn’t Look Big at ALL”

Panty Prose is dedicated to keeping women fresh while selling your books. Attending a writing conference? Well, there is a bathroom and everyone knows that even agents have to go potty sometime. Why not help them out? Keep them springtime fresh and give them your query. Elevator pitches are for losers, when you can use the Panty Pitch. The Panty Pitch comes in three fragrances, Sonnet’s Eve, New Office Supplies, and Cinnabon.

Panty Pitch:

Save agents time AND keep them fresh!

Panty Prose for the Published Professional is a smart, savvy way to stand out from all the competition that still is relying on scheduled tweets and auto-DMs. Make an impression that will last for Always.

Yeah, I am a wee bit tired. I’ve been stranded in airports more hours than I can count and my humor gets warped, even for me. But you know I am on to something! WANA is dedicated to giving you the evil genius you need for success. Aside from Panty Prose, what other “free spaces” could we exploit for book advertising? You know, to catch those who missed our 23 tweeted links, 6 auto DMs and five form letters.

I was also thinking we could launch a Panty Politics line so a 4 star general can gain access to panties more discreetly (and save taxpayer dollars!). And Congress? They can campaign where it counts! What other ways can we use the power of Padvertising?

Ok…I’ll stop. By the way, if you want something a bit more serious, I hope you will check out my blog over at Mansfield Magazine. Pleeeeeeeaaaaase. *insert cute face here* Have a Happy Healthy Holiday–Team Up with the Green Hulk. Anyone who comments there gets entered in a separate contest for ten pages of free edit, so your odds of winning is WAY better (and the comments make me look good to my new boss :D).

I love hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of November, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novelor your query letter, or your synopsis (5 pages or less).

And also, winners have a limited time to claim the prize, because what’s happening is there are actually quite a few people who never claim the critique, so I never know if the spam folder ate it or to look for it and then people miss out. I will also give my corporate e-mail to insure we connect and I will only have a week to return the 20 page edit.

Note: I was supposed to get October’s winner posted this week, but I got stranded AGAIN. This time in Seattle and I had no Internet. So will announce next week. I can’t get to anything right now anyway because I leave for my last trip of the year (New Orleans) on Friday.

At the end of November I will pick a winner for the monthly prize. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

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  1. #1 by Normandie on November 14, 2012 - 8:57 am

    What a hoot!

  2. #2 by charismaloy on November 14, 2012 - 9:02 am

    LOL!!!! You also have a market in Depends….. I almost needed one to get through this! You are a riot!

  3. #3 by Stan R. Mitchell on November 14, 2012 - 9:06 am

    Oh, wow. I have no comment, and I think I stumbled onto the wrong place… : ) But I will say that it made for a great couple of laughs this morning!

  4. #4 by lucewriter on November 14, 2012 - 9:09 am

    Hahahaha, this is exactly what I needed this morning. Better than a back rub. And see above for the tip about Depends to open up to a new and burgeoning market–seniors.

  5. #5 by Sophie Dawson on November 14, 2012 - 9:10 am

    Love it where do I sign up?

  6. #6 by Cordelia Dinsmore on November 14, 2012 - 9:18 am

    I certainly enjoyed this, but I can’t wait to see what you have in mind for Tampon users. More laughs like this first thing in the morning would definitely brighten my life. Thank you.

    • #7 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 9:20 am

      We came up with the Tampax “Pearls of Wisdom” for NF authors.

      Yes, it is a little scary that we have thought all this through :D.

  7. #8 by Ann Rusnak on November 14, 2012 - 9:19 am

    This was too much… I’m laughing so hard that tears are running down my face. What a great way to start my morning… If I see ads on my panty liners I’ll know who to blame :)

  8. #9 by Lanette Kauten on November 14, 2012 - 9:19 am

    It’s official. You’ve lost your pretty, little head.

  9. #10 by Saffina Desforges on November 14, 2012 - 9:20 am

    Well, it’s official Kristen, you’ve officially lost it! You are certifiably PANTastic! Love it! ;-)

  10. #11 by howmyspiritsings on November 14, 2012 - 9:20 am

    This was great! And I thought I was being snarky because I have a tee shirt that I wear to the gym that says “I’d rather be Writing” and the name of my website and I plan to by a baseball cap that has “AUTHOR” written across its crown!

  11. #12 by Stacey Joy Netzel on November 14, 2012 - 9:27 am

    Too funny for words!! If I see padvertising on my liners I know who to blame! And yet…it’s also kinda genius.

    • #13 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 9:28 am

      EVIL Genius ;).

  12. #14 by Flora Brown on November 14, 2012 - 9:29 am

    Hi Kristen,

    OK. I agree with Lanette. It’s official. You’ve lost your . . .Wait! Maybe not.

    We all have grown weary of traditional advertising, so padvertising will surely get our attention. Without that you can’t get our money.

    I love where you’re going with this, and like Saffina says, “You are certifiably PANTastic!”

    • #15 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 9:40 am

      LOL. Well, it is out there, but I am hoping that humor might help authors rethink all the non-stop spamming and realize they are one step shy of Padvertising :D>

  13. #16 by Catherine Johnson on November 14, 2012 - 9:35 am

    Padtastic, Kristen!

  14. #17 by Donna Marie Rogers on November 14, 2012 - 9:40 am

    Love it! Only problem is this could cause long lines in the Ladies’ Room…LOL

  15. #18 by Tasha Turner on November 14, 2012 - 9:41 am

    I’m so glad I was not drinking or eating when I started reading this post. OMG too funny. How about in condom packaging also? Great for erotica authors “get your honey in the mood with this read”

    • #19 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 9:43 am

      Someone suggested that, but WANA’s Padvertising is all PG and we like the PADvertising. Very catchy :D.

      • #20 by Jen on November 14, 2012 - 9:55 am

        Hi Kristen:

        Whoa, wait a minute! Are you suggesting I take the trash with me out of the bathroom or I bring an scanner with me into the bathroom…which is it?

        • #21 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 10:38 am

          Well most of us are checking e-mail in the bathroom anyway, so use your iPhone to scan the QR code. Or save the strip, save a tree and get all your books for FREE!

          Hey, that’s totally a jingle!

  16. #22 by Rae Summers on November 14, 2012 - 9:46 am

    You’re a genius, Kristen. Evil,maybe, but definitely a genius. Why has no-one thought of this before? But sshhhhh – let’s keep padvertising for the authors and let the politicians come up with their own genius ideas. They’re welcome to try book marks.

  17. #23 by MamaWolf on November 14, 2012 - 9:57 am

    “Make an impression that will last for Always.”

    You have killed me. I am slain…some things can never be unimagined. LOL ;-)

    I would argue, though, that better still might be custom TP. More messages, longer prose excerpts…could even work for children’s books to get the little rugrats excited about potty training.

  18. #24 by chadcarver on November 14, 2012 - 10:07 am

    Even funnier the second time. So, a little anecdote, which will at once amuse the readers, and embarrass me, but I can dig laughing at myself from time to time: I was at my night job, and Kristen texted me to ask me if it’s okay to use my image in a photo for her blog. “It will be your face on a panty liner,” the message read. Typical guy, I suppose, my response was simply, “Sure. Uh, what’s a panty liner?” *Shakes head* The things I get myself into. :-)

  19. #25 by Jenny Hansen on November 14, 2012 - 10:08 am

    So this is the sister conglomerate to SOO Publishing, right? (You know I can hear you in my head right now, saying “WINNER!”)

  20. #26 by Lisa Orchard on November 14, 2012 - 10:08 am

    This post was hilarious! I love it and I bet it would work too! :)

  21. #27 by Kathryn Roberts on November 14, 2012 - 10:12 am

    Okay, now I’m on a mission to find something totally original to do to promote my future novel prize winner =)

    Great post as per usual.

  22. #28 by Jenny Hansen on November 14, 2012 - 10:12 am

    P.S. The More Cowbell Posse already uses #WANAPanties for all Twitter news in the Undie-verse. I think you may use that for your Padtastic post as well… ROFL…

  23. #29 by Maddie Cochere on November 14, 2012 - 10:17 am

    Funniest post ever! And it’s an idea that would work. ;-)

  24. #30 by Cyndi on November 14, 2012 - 10:20 am

    Too Funny!

  25. #31 by Laura Ritchie on November 14, 2012 - 10:20 am

    This is pure brilliance, Kristen! I’m thinking you will be taking the marketing world by storm!

    Who needs business cards anymore? I mean, I will truly never forget those pics of dear Chad on the back of a pantyliner. Will you? Will any of us? Now… wouldn’t we all like to leave that kind of permanent impression on those we do business with?

    In fact, I’m thinking there is plenty of branching out to be done here for the advertising world. What about single women looking for that someone special? I think a dating service could really use this product to make some beautiful connections. Again… who could resist a sexy single guy smiling up at you from the demineralization hygiene product of their choice? There ya go! The secret to meeting women!

    • #32 by Laura Ritchie on November 14, 2012 - 10:28 am

      LOL… that will teach me to reply through my phone! Demineralization??? That was actually supposed to be “feminine”.

      Hahahaha

      Gotta love auto-correct!

  26. #33 by K.B. Owen on November 14, 2012 - 10:36 am

    I’m practically choking here, Kristen! Thanks for the hump day laugh. Oh, and for the guys, what about those “Tinkle Targets” for the urinals? They can read it as they go. It will also improve their aim and help out the janitors. It’s a win-win!

    • #34 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 10:41 am

      Could be useful place for posting bad book reviews, LOL.

  27. #35 by Derek Hawkins (@wrytersblockDH) on November 14, 2012 - 10:42 am

    If this caught on, you just KNOW there will be a conversation about advertizing dollars that goes like this:
    Guy 1: “I spent $xxx on Google ads this month.”
    Guy 2: “Oh yeah? I spent $XXXX on print ads in the New York Times.”
    Guy 3- who sits through all of this quietly. “I spent $750 on padvertising and got into 3167 women’s’ pants this month.”

    • #36 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 10:46 am

      I’m telling you, PADvertising is revolutionary.

  28. #38 by patricia l Morris on November 14, 2012 - 10:42 am

    Kristen, you and I are on the same wavelength. My new business card reads: “For a good time read Going Out In Style” in script. But you my dear take things even further. I love it. For a good time read Kristen Lamb.
    BTW I have never understood panty liners!

  29. #39 by Jennette Marie Powell on November 14, 2012 - 10:54 am

    Oh boy, this post is full of WIN! And to think I’ve been wasting those old paperbacks foisted on me at conferences by giving them to the gerbils to chew! This could be a new use for recycled paper…

  30. #40 by Tami Clayton on November 14, 2012 - 11:04 am

    Hilarious! Reminds me of the “advertisements” in Libba Bray’s “Beauty Queens” novel. I think she had one called “Pad Pets” – pads in the shape of animals. Padvertising is brilliant!

  31. #41 by Meg Mims on November 14, 2012 - 11:40 am

    LOLOL!! Less invasive than TADPOMS, I suppose. ;-)

    • #42 by Meg Mims on November 14, 2012 - 11:41 am

      Oops, I mean TADPONS. It’s been a while since I’ve needed those.

  32. #43 by Christine Ashworth on November 14, 2012 - 12:01 pm

    So hysterical – and so obvious an advertising opportunity! You are a freaking genius, Kristen!

  33. #44 by Kitty Bucholtz on November 14, 2012 - 12:03 pm

    What’s funny to me is that when I lived in Australia, one brand of feminine products I bought (and I sure wish I could remember which one now) DID have reading material on either the paper strip or the plastic! I think it was either funny facts (like Snapple lids) or uplifting quotes (to ward off PMS? LOL). I thought it was quite odd, but brilliant. And I did wonder for half a minute how I could use it. ;)

    • #45 by Sasha J Cameron on November 27, 2012 - 10:44 pm

      That must be the Libra ultra which is where I have gotten my education from. Full of fun facts but unfortunately no good books (or bad ones) – this idea rocks!

  34. #46 by annerallen on November 14, 2012 - 12:18 pm

    OK, I have to stop laughing so I can type. Deep breath. Kristen, you should be doing stand-up comedy. You’re brilliant.

  35. #47 by Deb McK on November 14, 2012 - 12:25 pm

    And then I died laughing. :D

  36. #48 by Tamara LeBlanc on November 14, 2012 - 12:30 pm

    I loved, “Someone better get back to writing! Love, Chad.”
    Hilarious!!
    I like your airport exhausted warped sense of humor! It makes me laugh!
    Have a great afternoon ;)
    Tamara

  37. #49 by New Witch on November 14, 2012 - 12:54 pm

    I do believe you owe me a new keyboard, and if I can find a way to have my sinuses relined after snorting Dr. Pepper out ‘em, that too.

  38. #50 by keelaurow on November 14, 2012 - 12:57 pm

    Teeheehee *snort*

  39. #51 by Natalie Hartford on November 14, 2012 - 1:04 pm

    ROFLMAO….this is stellar!!!! Talk about ‘maxi’mizing new market opportunities!!! We could also tap into printed toilet paper??? I mean everyone uses a few squares, right? Targetted TP Prose! Gotta get em’ at every turn. LOL!!

  40. #52 by lynnkelleyauthorLynn Kelley on November 14, 2012 - 1:11 pm

    Now that’s what I call thinking outside the box, Kristen! Hilarious post and so are the brilliant commenters!

  41. #53 by Jennifer Lewis Oliver on November 14, 2012 - 1:23 pm

    Other than having to wipe up the coffee I snorted out of my nose onto my keyboard and monitor, this has been the best read I’ve had in days! :)

  42. #54 by Reetta Raitanen on November 14, 2012 - 1:29 pm

    This is your funniest post ever, Kristen :D No more tired old bookmarks but pads. And of course no one parts from their iPhones even in the bathroom. I also love the ideas of non-fiction Tampon pearls of wisdom and toilet paper ads.

  43. #55 by Hildie McQueen on November 14, 2012 - 1:32 pm

    Wow, I was thinking for a bit you were serious, I kept going, well okay, that may be a good idea. Ha ha ha…thanks or the laugh!

  44. #56 by Kristy Wyatt on November 14, 2012 - 1:43 pm

    Hilarious! And quite brilliant!

  45. #57 by lenwilliamscarver on November 14, 2012 - 1:48 pm

    I am laughing so hard Kristen I have tears running down to my toes think a ‘padvertising’ would be useful about now! Brilliant a masterfully genius idea!

  46. #58 by Samuel Solomon on November 14, 2012 - 2:02 pm

    I am at a loss for words.

    haha

    brilliant.

  47. #59 by Carrie Butler on November 14, 2012 - 2:16 pm

    Please, please, let no stop to ask what I’m laughing about… ;)

  48. #60 by Jon Rieley-Goddard (@baldyblogger) on November 14, 2012 - 2:27 pm

    I feel left out. How about a Pocket Pool – Have a Party in Your Pants campaign for guys?

  49. #61 by lmccy on November 14, 2012 - 2:44 pm

    This must go viral! lmc

  50. #62 by alicamckennajohnson on November 14, 2012 - 2:45 pm

    I love it- did you know you can have images printed onto condoms- why just make this for women?? Print spy novel covers onto condoms and pass them out at bars!

  51. #63 by ShineMine on November 14, 2012 - 3:03 pm

    You are hilarious!

  52. #64 by Elizabeth Anne Mitchell on November 14, 2012 - 3:15 pm

    Kristen, I was managing to laugh quietly on the sly in my cubicle until I hit Pearls of Wisdom, then laughed and snorted. How embarrassing!

    I went to your Green Hulk post and commented as well! :)

  53. #65 by janet givens on November 14, 2012 - 3:20 pm

    Thanks for a great bunch of laughs, Kristen. Reminded me of the marks I used to get for “Poise” back in kindergarten, back before I even know what it meant (in either sense of the word). Ah, those were the days.

  54. #66 by malindalou on November 14, 2012 - 4:16 pm

    As I die of laughter, I have to say that you made an EXCELLENT point. Good post!

  55. #67 by lisawiedmeier on November 14, 2012 - 4:37 pm

    Seriously, I think I just peed my pants!

    • #68 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 5:12 pm

      Then you need Panty Prose, the Padvertising with grace and Poise :D.

  56. #69 by Sandra Wagner-Wright on November 14, 2012 - 5:26 pm

    Super funny — so should I hope you are sleep deprived more often?

  57. #70 by Jessi Gage on November 14, 2012 - 5:48 pm

    Snort. Love this post. It reminds me of when I used to prank my boyfriend in highschool by sticking clean pantyliners with happy faces drawn on them to the underside of the visor in his car, so when his flipped it down to block the sun, he’d get an eyefull!

    • #71 by Author Kristen Lamb on November 14, 2012 - 6:06 pm

      LOL. Now we can do that to “readers” :D.

  58. #72 by Jessi Gage on November 14, 2012 - 5:50 pm

    Not the most mature thing, I know. Hey, I was seventeen!

  59. #73 by JackieP on November 14, 2012 - 5:51 pm

    You know, if we women have to wear the darn things (which most of us do) we should at least get something more for our hard earned money then a mini diaper we have to throw away! I love the idea!

  60. #74 by stephscottil on November 14, 2012 - 5:53 pm

    When I was an RA in the dorms I used to post a newsletter in the community bathroom stalls. It was the one place I knew it would be read!

  61. #75 by macswriter on November 14, 2012 - 6:53 pm

    What can I say that hasn’t been said. Hilarious. You are an evil genius. Perverse but strangely compelling idea. Kind of like secret fan (i.e. paper fans, not human fans) messages. For your eyes only.

  62. #76 by Widdershins on November 14, 2012 - 6:57 pm

    Non-toxic inks, printed directly onto the pad itself, that’s … erm … transferable!

  63. #77 by Heather Sunseri on November 14, 2012 - 7:12 pm

    That’s the funniest dang post I’ve read in like… EVER.

  64. #78 by Shutta Crum on November 14, 2012 - 8:01 pm

    Hah! Fun post! I love Widdershins idea…transferable ink!

  65. #79 by SweetSong on November 14, 2012 - 8:22 pm

    This is priceless! And as another commented, you’re an evil genius.
    …Is it bad that I actually wouldn’t mind this? I get bored sitting on the porcelain throne…

  66. #80 by Mandy on November 15, 2012 - 12:43 am

    So I click in this article because, well the picture alobe hooked me. Then I start reading and am laughing so hard my kids are looking at me funny. I read on thru tear streaked eyes, now my 6olds &7 year olds want to see what has mommy doubled over laughing. My first thought, how to explain pads…second thought, maybe adult diapers would work too, especially if they see advertising on pads in restrooms, I almost needed one after reading about it! Love it!! Thanks for the ab workout!

  67. #81 by Gregory Carrico on November 15, 2012 - 7:42 am

    I’m a little late to the party, but this is hilarity at its finest. Here are a couple more ideas to mull over:
    How about Blog Rolls: Have your “buy my book” blog posts printed on rolls of Toilet paper.
    Condomercials? Hmmm… maybe not the best time to be reading ads…
    Thanks, KL! This made my day :)

  68. #82 by Jennifer Rumberger on November 15, 2012 - 10:35 am

    This was hilarious! I am new follower now too!

  69. #83 by Karen Klink on November 15, 2012 - 11:28 am

    I laughed harder the more I scrolled . . . til there were tears in my eyes. Had to show my husband.
    Kristen, you are too much.

  70. #84 by Ellen M. Gregg on November 15, 2012 - 12:17 pm

    I’m wheezing from laughing. Padvertising FTW! :-D

  71. #85 by thejokerandthewallflower on November 15, 2012 - 12:18 pm

    Ahaha! I knew this would be a good blog to follow. You’re absolutely hilarious!

  72. #86 by gloriaoliver on November 15, 2012 - 9:51 pm

    Oh, please, please, please make a Panty Prose video commercial. ROFL! It would be awesome! Heh heh heh

  73. #87 by Julie on November 15, 2012 - 10:18 pm

    Hi – larious! :-)

  74. #88 by Julie Glover on November 16, 2012 - 12:01 pm

    You had me dying with laughter, Kristen!

    Here’s a thought: I wonder if I could get in good with a fortune cookie maker and get every tenth fortune to read “You are lucky to get a FREE! sample of my book” with the requisite link.

    Also, I’ve noticed that school buses in my area are starting to advertise on the side. Since I write YA, perhaps I could spam the whole town at once with a picture of my book cover and title on the side of the big yellow bus.

  75. #89 by Gene Lempp on November 16, 2012 - 1:28 pm

    Brilliant Post!

  76. #90 by Sonia G Medeiros on November 16, 2012 - 2:26 pm

    Bwaahahahaha. Thanks, I totally needed that.

  77. #91 by maryloub on November 16, 2012 - 2:35 pm

    Another total waste of my time.  What is going on with you?

    ML Bagley  

  78. #92 by Susan Spann on November 16, 2012 - 5:26 pm

    This was SO funny. I, too, almost needed a Depends to get through it.

    As far as missed opportunities…let’s put our advertising on bottles of booze and coffee bags – catch those readers morning AND night!

  79. #93 by djdelauzon on November 17, 2012 - 12:39 am

    Hilarious! I’ve been going about marketing and building up my writer’s platform all wrong! Panty Prose is the way to go! ^__^

  80. #94 by jodenton445 on November 17, 2012 - 8:38 am

    Pure genius! Lol

  81. #95 by Rosanna Leo on November 17, 2012 - 10:06 am

    I am truly befuddled that Don Draper didn’t come up with this brilliant idea! Wonderful post!

  82. #96 by MonaKarel on November 17, 2012 - 10:29 am

    Here I was worried you were leaving out those of us who no longer have to deal with pads, but some clever individual came up with Depends advertising. Well done indeed.

  83. #97 by Grass Oil by Molly Field on November 17, 2012 - 3:45 pm

    Kristen – holy crap! (no pun intended.) how can i NOT comment?! just awesome. so funny. bloody hilarious. (d’oh! did i say that?!) and your twist is not lost on me: vampire book on a sanipadi. good girl! happy thanksgiving, you nut. -Molly

  84. #98 by Sandy on November 17, 2012 - 8:22 pm

    LOL I needed this. Hilarious!

  85. #99 by kristalzacharias on November 18, 2012 - 2:18 am

    I needed a good laugh! Thank you.

  86. #100 by Marianna Heusler on November 18, 2012 - 10:57 am

    I’ve read all your books and think that they’re fantastic. I write middle grade books and the social media is heavily guarded by gatekeepers. Do you have any ideas of how to reach this group, ages eight to twelve?

  87. #103 by kimterry on November 19, 2012 - 12:33 am

    Panty Prose, Kristen? REALLY? :-)))))) Let me know how it works.

  88. #104 by wednesday on November 19, 2012 - 12:02 pm

    Scared now.

  89. #105 by A. Colleen Jones on November 19, 2012 - 6:04 pm

    Thanks so much for that hilarious post! Really made my day. Colleen :)

  90. #106 by Daphne Shadows on November 19, 2012 - 9:45 pm

    Oh. My. Gosh. This is hilarious. You should let your insanity shine more often. ;)

  91. #107 by E.b. Black on November 20, 2012 - 2:43 pm

    Foreheads are free space! We should make everyone get forehead tattoos with advertisements for our books on them!

  92. #108 by Jen on November 21, 2012 - 6:08 pm

    What a great post and I actually think you are onto something – many a great idea born from insanity!

  93. #109 by Cassandra on November 23, 2012 - 2:30 am

    This is amazing. I assume we have far more than 140 characters, but are graphic more expensive? Is there a bulk package? And how much for the extra-thick, large size?

  94. #110 by Suzanne Lucero (@S_Lucero) on November 24, 2012 - 8:50 am

    Bet I know where you were when you thought this one up. ;-)

    Here’s another idea: have your novel printed on toilet paper. Everyone reads in the bathroom, right? Wouldn’t it be a great idea if you could read a few pages, then use them to finish up your “business.” Kind-of like the modern version of the Sears-Roebuck catalogue that used to be offered in outhouses. Plus, you’re saving trees. What’s not to like? Might be a little difficult if you want to re-read it, though. :-D

  95. #111 by pendantry on November 25, 2012 - 7:43 am

    Brilliant. Now all you need is to team up with folks like twitter.com/TerseTales and twitter.com/DeadEndFiction :D

  96. #112 by brockriverdale on November 26, 2012 - 7:18 am

    Lmao. Very good

  97. #113 by athenabrady.co.uk on November 27, 2012 - 9:11 pm

    Where do you think these idea’s up from, I think I need a new panty liner now!

  98. #114 by Sasha J Cameron on November 27, 2012 - 10:48 pm

    Working on getting a publication onto the toilet roll as we speak.

  99. #115 by Cecilia Marie Pulliam on December 8, 2012 - 7:55 pm

    Well, from someone too old to use those things anymore, looks like I will escape the onslaught. Ladies, let me know how it works out for you….. :)

  100. #116 by Mitzi McColley Sorensen on December 20, 2012 - 1:43 pm

    The worst Christmas gift was four popcorn balls in a dusty basket. When I unwrapped the cellophane around the popcorn balls they crumbled into dust. “It’s the thought that counts” saying was true when it came to this gift from my sister-in-law to my four children.

  101. #117 by Paul on July 17, 2013 - 1:53 pm

    How about ads on jock straps that disappear when washed, setting up new space for the next ad. More revenue. Plus, most guys will see the same ad several times (ugh) before washing. Message reinforcement!

  102. #118 by susanpjames on July 29, 2013 - 10:34 pm

    Sounds like the best marketing plug in years! Talk about a captive audience. Buzz. Buzz.

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