You Know You’re A Writer When….

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So, I am gearing up for Nanowrimo and (of course) Hubby decides to get the flu because he is plotting against me  and secretly doesn’t want me to succeed  it is cold and flu season and this stuff just happens.

Poor thing.

Anyway, this means I was up all night long and have yet to go to sleep, but I did find a way to amuse myself between 1 and 4 a.m. before the fun hallucinations kicked in.

I found…THIS! Yeah, yeah, some of you have heard it before but it still cracks ME up and since I am here to amuse myself most of the time? Pthththththth. Haters gonna hate. Usually I do just fine blogging and writing in November, but just in case y’all don’t hear from me for a bit…

I figured I’d share since we all can use a good laugh before the real fun begins. And believe it or not, there are some people who have NOT heard my jokes. I know! Right? We should totally cure that. TODAY!

 

Anyway!

We writers are different *eye twitches* for sure, but the world would be SO boring without us. Am I the only person who watches Discovery ID and critiques the killers?

You are putting the body THERE? Do you just WANT to go to prison? Why did you STAB them? Helllooo? Blood spatter? LOO-Min-OL? Moron.

I think it’s a writer thing. So, since today I am staring at the “White Screen of I SUCK and Why Did I Want to Be a WRITER?”, we are just going to roll with it…

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’ve learned that regular people are cute, and no longer get offended with this conversation.

Regular Person: What do you do?

Writer: I’m a writer.

Regular Person: No, I mean, what’s your real job?

You’ve come to understand that writers are a lot like unicorns. Everyone knows about them, they’ve simply never seen a REAL ONE.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

The NSA, CIA and FBI no longer bother with you. Likely, they know you by name and now outsource to the creepy ice cream truck to just make a few passes and check to make sure you’re still at your computer.

author

As an extra bonus, the next time the NSA passes by in the panel van? Go out and ask them for a job application and maybe even a reference if you want bonus smart@$$ points.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

Kind strangers hand you cash and sandwiches and offer to pray for you. Apparently you’re regularly mistaken for a homeless person because you haven’t bathed or changed clothes in weeks and are wandering around shouting at the air.

…aaaand, you are just doing Nanowrimo.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You hate texting because it takes too long to use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You know what’s the best time of year to dispose of a body to confuse TOD and that seriously creeps out your friends and family.

And you know what TOD stands for and that creeps them out even more.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’re on such a roll with the WIP that you’ve forgotten a “real” world exists (including laundry). You’re down to wearing your husband’s socks and he’s either going commando or is forced to wear that thong given to him on his 40th birthday as a joke gift. The kids? Hell, they went feral a week ago.

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You Know You’re a Writer When…

You take a break from writing to go to the store and, on the way, begin untangling a plot problem. You finally realize you’re in the next state and have no idea how you got there. But good news is, you now know which poison is best to kill off the character modeled after that cheerleader who bullied you through high school. It’s the poison that will make her fat and wrinkly before she dies slowly from terminal acne.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You have NO CLUE what to do in case of a flood, a fire or a natural disaster, but you are actually looking forward to the collapse of civilization because you are pretty sure you will make an AWESOME Warlord.

 

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You appreciate that if Febreeze is good enough for the couch, why not hose the kids? Hey, you spent extra for the anti-microbial one. It kills germs *rolls eyes*. Now your tot smells like a Hawaiian Breeze and his cooties can’t hurt others. You should get a freaking MEDAL for this kind of creativity.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’ve been diagnosed with Tourette’s, Multiple-Personality Disorder or both. It’s tough to explain you were simply working out dialogue when strapped to a gurney. But the upside is when they sedate you, it’s the only vacation you’ve had in months and insurance might even cover it. SCORE!

You Know You’re a Writer When…

People believe you are a shy introvert, but you just can’t bring yourself to tell them that your imaginary friends are simply WAY more interesting.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

A casket washes up in a Houston flood and while normal people are upset how tragic it is, you are wondering if there is GOLD inside. Or missing drug money.

Or if they open open it, could they unwittingly unleash the ZOMBIE PLAGUE?

Or what if it is the WRONG BODY? And it was all to cover up a mob leader faking his own DEATH?

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You realize you are a horrible human being for getting so excited for that last one because NOW YOU HAVE A NEW STORY IDEA FOR NANO YOU SICK, SICK SOULLESS PERSON!

You Know You’re a Writer When…

“Recycling” is using the same jerks from real life in a new story. We can kill them AGAIN!😀

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’re no longer invited to family events because they can’t take the incessant correction of their grammar.

Chickens are done, people are FINISHED.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’re automatically safe from any episode of Hoarders because when you get enough books? Others naturally assume you’re a LIBRARY. Hey, maybe you can apply for government funding. Scratch that. Then, you’d have to let people borrow your books.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You willingly suffer frostbite hiding in a Costco freezer eavesdropping a couple’s fight, because dialogue that epic is worth a losing pinkie toe. Your coffee table’s already tried to assassinate it 342 times anyway.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’ve been mistaken for Gollum multiple times, because strangers found you in a dark corner whispering “My precious….” and it was just you and your Kindle.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You plow over the entire Kardashian family, because OMG DEAN KOONTZ!

You Know You’re a Writer When…

Your idea of fun is reading the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, talking to your friends at the Coroner’s office or reading/writing Amazon reviews of the Bic Pen for Her or the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

Speaking of the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, you actually bought one, not only to support the greatest comedic writing in human history, but also to screw with the TSA. Can you get it through airport security without a full-body search? Hide it near your shoulders and FREE NECK MASSAGE!

You Know You’re a Writer When…

You’ve made it onto the Mormon and Jehova’s Witness DO NOT CALL LIST because you will only promise to convert with purchase of YOUR BOOKS (and favorable 5-star reviews).

You Know You’re a Writer When…

Every time some overblown Third World dictator threatens to destabilize the world, all you can think is, “Pfft. Amateur.”

You Know You’re a Writer When…

It’s not a question of IF you will add your OWN to the comments…but WHEN…😀

I LOVE hearing from you!

To prove it and show my love, for the month of OCTOBER, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. I will pick a winner once a month and it will be a critique of the first 20 pages of your novel.

Also, please swing by my funny Jiu Jitsu post over at Dojo Diva. Get additional suck-up points brownie points and additional chances to win my contest (fewer comments means less competition and those comments are judged separately). I am blogging for my home dojo and your support will help the blog gain traction.

For those who need help building a platform and keeping it SIMPLE, pick up a copy of my latest social media/branding book Rise of the Machines—Human Authors in a Digital World on AMAZON, iBooks, or Nook

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  1. #1 by Jenn on October 29, 2015 - 11:21 am

    “People believe you are a shy introvert, but you just can’t bring yourself to tell them that your imaginary friends are simply WAY more interesting.” Hahahahaaa…that is so me!

  2. #2 by areece on October 29, 2015 - 11:22 am

    Reblogged this on Amy Reece and commented:
    This is HILARIOUS and I had to reblog it! Thanks Kristen for yet another great post!!!

  3. #3 by Dreamer of Dreams on October 29, 2015 - 11:24 am

    Loved it!

  4. #4 by E.M. Goldsmith on October 29, 2015 - 11:27 am

    Yep, I am a writer. Glad it’s not just me. I very much enjoyed this. Now going back under my rock.

  5. #5 by clintrb on October 29, 2015 - 11:28 am

    Very funny. Scary thing is a couple of your points seem vaguely familiar.

    • #6 by timblaze on October 29, 2015 - 11:55 am

      scared me as well, just knowing me

  6. #7 by mitziflyte on October 29, 2015 - 11:29 am

    You know you’re a writer when you watch TV or a movie with your friend/husband and each time you do, you say, “I’d write it this way…”; “No, that’s too obvious”; “That’s just the way I would have written it.” And no one wants to watch TV with you again.

  7. #10 by timblaze on October 29, 2015 - 11:32 am

    Damn one hell of a crazy writer are you Kristen Lamb. You are quite humorous and i’m sure you can compete with Dean Kontz. Big successful lady making it in a man’s world you are so I guess you don’t have a damn time to look into my blog anyway you can put my blog in your hat thrice everything. i’m not kidding, I am quite ambitious young leaders, four years from now you will be hearing of me but all I can tell you for now is I remain a devoted reader of your garbage and cabbage, fun through trying to laugh at you

  8. #11 by hugheswrites on October 29, 2015 - 11:35 am

    Reblogged this on In My Mind, This Is All Connected and commented:
    I needed a laugh today and this provided.

  9. #12 by Stan R. Mitchell on October 29, 2015 - 11:38 am

    Beautiful post, Kristen! Totally made my day!!

  10. #14 by babs50nfab on October 29, 2015 - 11:39 am

    Kristen, I tried several times to comment, to no avail. But I have to share this. b

  11. #16 by jeddiamond on October 29, 2015 - 11:42 am

    As a non-fiction writer, gotta say that so much of it is deadly….boring. So its a joy to read and interact with someone who has a crazy sense of humor. Am enjoying Rise of the Machine and recommending it to all those who care about being a crazy writer. Hey, this stuff is better than fiction. It’s real life helpful and real life hilarious. And you can even laugh at married life without really killing him!

  12. #17 by sarahfloreswriter on October 29, 2015 - 11:42 am

    This is freaking awesome! Texting using only proper grammar does take forever, and it’s because Autocorrect does NOT know proper grammar.

    • #18 by timblaze on October 29, 2015 - 11:46 am

      agree with you there lady

    • #19 by coolerbs on October 29, 2015 - 6:02 pm

      It’s the editing that gets me. I’ll write the text and then have to change entire sentences to avoid unnecessarily repeating nouns (Case in point: I wrote this on my phone, and it took me several minutes to fix all the pacing problems)

      • #20 by coolerbs on October 29, 2015 - 6:03 pm

        And I still forgot a period at the end…ugh!

  13. #21 by oldmurkyheart2 on October 29, 2015 - 11:46 am

    Your are one crazy good writer!
    Agree on the introvert and book hoarder points.

    The gollum things just had me cracking up, I could imagine it. Vividly!

  14. #22 by thelonelyauthorblog on October 29, 2015 - 11:57 am

    Unbelievable post. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. Only a true writer can understand this insanity. I have had so many conversations with my characters the men in white jackets know me on a first name basis. The first draft meme was superb. Doesn’t it feel like that? also, to be a writer, you need to have a special spouse to put up with all your crap.

  15. #23 by tigerlilly on October 29, 2015 - 12:05 pm

    What a score with this post!! You absolutely nailed it. You know you’re a writer when you seek out those odd people and in your mind you’re trying to weave their strange personality quirks and bathing habits into a questionable, yet intriguing character in your next book. And yes, doing the laundry becomes a once a month accomplishment.
    Loved the analogy of the kids becoming feral. So loved this post.

  16. #24 by Christine E. Blum on October 29, 2015 - 12:22 pm

    You know you’re a writer when the first page you read in the paper each day is the Obituaries, when you secretly wish that El Chapo would turn up on your doorstep looking for a place to hide, and when you learn that your flight is delayed you sit at the gate for the next two hours just listening, watching and filing away the scenarios into the cabinets in your brain.

  17. #25 by lynnthompsonbooks on October 29, 2015 - 12:24 pm

    Not only did I have to email your link to a fellow writer, I reblogged it too:) http://www.lynnthompsonbooks.com. Now to go fix my makeup!

  18. #26 by chickinwhite on October 29, 2015 - 12:29 pm

    ROFLMAO!
    I so needed this before Nano…

  19. #27 by michaelbillington9 on October 29, 2015 - 12:34 pm

    Thanks for this… I laughed then cried because it’s all so freaking true🙂

  20. #28 by Stella Samuel on October 29, 2015 - 12:35 pm

    These are awesome. I know I am a writer because I just spend twenty minutes reading your words instead of writing mine. And I completely aware of it.

  21. #29 by Amanda Usen on October 29, 2015 - 12:38 pm

    You know you are a writer when you don’t know how to eat without reading something at the same time!

  22. #31 by Page Turner on October 29, 2015 - 12:57 pm

    “You Know You’re a Writer When…

    People believe you are a shy introvert, but you just can’t bring yourself to tell them that your imaginary friends are simply WAY more interesting.”

  23. #32 by Mike Fuller Author on October 29, 2015 - 1:07 pm

    when…The Child Bride’s otherwise not so goofy girlfriends prove they are not, indeed, perfect people and do something silly, stupid, destructive or smash up their hubby’s pick up AND THEN ask The Child Bride, “He isn’t going to use that in his book, is he?”

  24. #33 by Lucinda E Clarke on October 29, 2015 - 1:09 pm

    Reblogged this on lucinda E Clarke and commented:
    This is just too brilliant.

  25. #34 by Curt Mekemson on October 29, 2015 - 1:20 pm

    Hilarious. You know you are a writer when the world is doing seriously bad stuff to you and all you can think is “Hey, this will make a good story.”

    • #35 by coolerbs on October 29, 2015 - 6:05 pm

      Oh good, I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this.

  26. #36 by conniecockrell on October 29, 2015 - 1:35 pm

    Too funny. Thanks for the chuckle. I needed that.

  27. #37 by sarahfloreswriter on October 29, 2015 - 1:36 pm

    Reblogged this on sarahfloresblog and commented:
    A funny (and so very true) article by Kristen Lamb.

  28. #38 by annabellefranklinauthor on October 29, 2015 - 1:49 pm

    …when people think you’re crazy because you’re cracking up laughing at the dialogue in your head.
    Loved this post. I’m so glad I’m not the only one with a chaotic house and a teetering pile of steaming laundry!

  29. #39 by mcm0704 on October 29, 2015 - 1:50 pm

    I love these, Kristen. I stole…er…borrowed some when you posted them earlier this year for a post at The Blood-Red Pencil blog. I snagged a few more to use when my sense of humor is flatter than my bank account. Here is the link to the ones I used, and thanks for sharing so much fun and tips and inspiration with us. http://bloodredpencil.blogspot.com/2015/10/time-out-for-little-fun.html

  30. #40 by Catherine Black on October 29, 2015 - 2:07 pm

    Love this! Thanks!

  31. #41 by Sylva Fae on October 29, 2015 - 2:11 pm

    Thanks for the giggles.

    Not only have I had the US Navy scouting my blog, they commented on a post in an email. II once tried explaining that I write to my new colleagues – won’t do that again! Even as I comment, I’m memorising the man drinking coffee at the table next to me; he’d make a great Wizard.

  32. #42 by Kathryn Jane on October 29, 2015 - 2:20 pm

    Reblogged this on Mystery and Romance and commented:
    You know you’re a writer when…. I love this woman’s sense of humor!

  33. #43 by amariesilver on October 29, 2015 - 2:38 pm

    You know your a writer when you mix your kids names up with your characters. Oh yeah….I’ve been there! Great post, Kristen! I’ve had a rough day and reading this really brought my spirits up!

  34. #44 by Sheila M. Good on October 29, 2015 - 3:02 pm

    I love these! You had me at, “You know what’s the best time of year to dispose of a body to confuse TOD and that seriously creeps out your friends and family. And you know what TOD stands for and that creeps them out even more.”

  35. #45 by Nan Sampson on October 29, 2015 - 3:14 pm

    I am laughing out loud. At work. People are staring, but they know I’m a writer and that it is almost Nano, so they are ignoring me. WE who are about to write salute you, O great writing Jedi!

  36. #46 by Lisa Orchard on October 29, 2015 - 4:05 pm

    Awesome Post! I love the one about the Jehovah’s Witnesses!🙂 Thanks for the chuckle!

  37. #47 by authorswilliams on October 29, 2015 - 4:13 pm

    BAHABABA I might reblog this🙂

  38. #48 by kimwrtr on October 29, 2015 - 4:14 pm

    Reblogged this on Kim's Author Support Blog.

  39. #49 by authorswilliams on October 29, 2015 - 4:18 pm

    Reblogged this on Life, love, and writing and commented:
    These are HILARIOUS. If I lived by myself, I would be a wreck. No one would want to come over. As it is, EVERY day I battle with myself over whether I should do the laundry or the dishes, or just sit and write. I do have 2 daughters so…I have to balance things. But it’s so hard…
    I still love my family very much though🙂

    Enjoy!

  40. #50 by nancysegovia on October 29, 2015 - 4:48 pm

    ROTFLMAO. I loved the texting one. That is so totally and completely me. I even told my family I refused to talk to them by text anymore. Of course, that didn’t work since one daughter lives in Canada and another in Norway so texting via whatsapp is so much cheaper than talking. And, their still young and that’s what people do these days. I still hate it!

  41. #51 by nancysegovia on October 29, 2015 - 4:49 pm

    Reblogged this on Nancy Segovia and commented:
    These are terrific. For writers everywhere. There’s one here for you!

  42. #52 by Deborah Makarios on October 29, 2015 - 5:09 pm

    You know you’re a writer when you freak yourself (and others) out because your mind defaults to “what’s the worst thing that has even a remote possibility of happening in this situation?” Last month I had laser surgery🙂
    Incidentally, does anyone know an easy test for whether the red sticky stuff on the driveway is blood or not? It’s not for a story, I just need to know…

  43. #53 by Eric Klingenberg on October 29, 2015 - 5:13 pm

    Very funny but I can’t be a proper writer yet as I only do about 5 or 6 of these.

  44. #54 by shalilah2002 on October 29, 2015 - 5:33 pm

    I don’t want to be any of these, hate to go without a bath constantly worry about my appearance. Maybe that’s why I get writer’s block.

  45. #55 by kwiltnwriter on October 29, 2015 - 6:31 pm

    Oh yeah- the texting thing is me! And every time I’m out in the Great Boring Universe (aka the real world) I’m always plotting how I could get away with stuff- you’d be amazed at how devious this little writer can think!
    It does make for some really awesome characters!🙂

  46. #56 by purrfectdiversion on October 29, 2015 - 8:35 pm

    I’m so guilty of some of these. I’ve even forgotten the date because I’m living in my book’s timeline, not the real world.

  47. #57 by annaerishkigal on October 29, 2015 - 8:42 pm

    “You’ve made it onto the Mormon and Jehova’s Witness DO NOT CALL LIST…”

    Yeah … did that 3:-) I write biblical fan fiction (also known as epic fantasy) about fallen angels in neolithic Mesopotamia and, well, I used to LOOK FORWARD to my monthly visit from my Jehovah’s witnesses friends. Their car would used to pull into my driveway, usually full of brand-new people they were breaking in, and they’d always bring them to my house because I’d go running to the door, excited, and say ‘What do you have for me today?’ It was like manna from heaven. Every time I had writer’s block about what nefarious things to do to my Angelic characters, GOD would send his messengers to my house with a brand-new tidbit of inspiration. My husband used to laugh and shout ‘Honey, your friends are here!’ every time they came. So they they’d read their nice little scripture, and then I’d go research the REAL history behind that scripture and use it in whatever chapter I was writing, and even use the biblical quote at the beginning of the chapter. Only problem was, history is messy. There’s lots of stuff that happens in the bible that people these days like to gloss over (like human sacrifice or skinning people alive). So anyways, at some point one of them decided to look up these books about angels I always thanked them for inspiring me to write, and now they don’t come around anymore. Sad puppy😦 Now I’ve started reading the q’aran.

  48. #59 by Celia Lewis on October 29, 2015 - 9:19 pm

    Thank you thank you thank you!! I needed to know I was normal today.
    Now to throw out my NaNo outline and start again, this time letting my bad-ass writing ego out…

  49. #60 by lauralstapleton on October 29, 2015 - 10:25 pm

    All right, this may be tmi, but… I critique criminals on Forensic Files, too. “Really? Does no one think of dismembering anyone and using the garbage disposal? I can’t be the only one.”

    But with my husband? Happy fun play time is taken over by us critiquing porn. “Yeah, that looks good in theory, but in real life?” “Totally will need a shower before AND after.” “Exactly!” “At least use a wet wipe, sheesh.”

  50. #61 by Mat Atahari on October 29, 2015 - 11:34 pm

    I couldn’t have said it better…!

  51. #62 by Jens Lyon on October 30, 2015 - 12:47 am

    You know you’re a writer when you hear someone’s name, you’re sure you know that person from somewhere, and then you realize it’s the name of a minor character from one of your books.

  52. #63 by Rii the Wordsmith on October 30, 2015 - 12:50 am

    Heh, I’m not considered a shy introvert (unless my social anxiety is acting up).
    No, for me it’s, I know I’m a writer because all conversations with anyone, new acquaintance or old friend or constant companion (hubby) gradually reach, “I’m writing a book and now you’re going to listen to the entire plot of a different series I’m decades from writing.”
    Or some other sort of long-winded writing rant. I’m pretty careful not to talk too much about the plot of my current WIP though, since it’s allllmost ready to start querying.
    Also, I know I’m a writer because when all the other girls went to The Sympathizer in our college apartment building to talk about their crushes and relationships, I went there to sob that my psychopath unexpectedly cut the face off of a secondary character I liked. (She was cool and treated me no differently than a girl going through a bad breakup.)

  53. #64 by gilliansnotebook on October 30, 2015 - 1:44 am

    Hi Kristen! I LOVE this post. Especially the picture that has the writing, “AUTHORS, if you’re not part of a Government Watch List….” That’s practically an invite to TEAR OFF all POLITICALLY CORRECT SHACKLES and speak my mind!!! YAAAY!!!!

    And I can totally relate to the ‘MESS’ bit. I work all evenings (5-10) but I also write for a few hours at night so I have to drag myself out of bed at one in the afternoon. Come Friday evening, I’m cleaning from then to early in the morning on Saturday, and then sleeping for most of the day. it’s an act of God and Congress to get to church on Sundays because my schedule is on its head!

    For the first four months of this year (2015) I was off work for Breast cancer treatment (I’m good now) but I could KICK MYSELF for not taking better advantage of the free time. Now life is back to ‘normal’ and I almost miss that free time. IF ….if it happens again, and I get more free time, I’m using it to its full advantage.

  54. #65 by Niina on October 30, 2015 - 2:20 am

    These are great! And true, too. When I saw the “How I felt writing the first draft – How I feel editing the first draft”-picture, I laughed and thought that’s exactly how it goes. Then I showed it to my boyfriend who just looked at it like ?? so I guess it’s clear which one’s the writer😀

  55. #66 by sfarnell on October 30, 2015 - 4:22 am

    Haha, great stuff! I didn’t think I was a writer until I read this – it’s safe to say now that it’s too late for me and I’m not going back. The only thing I can think of is if civilization collapses there’s going to be a lot of warlords out there😀

    • #67 by Author Kristen Lamb on October 30, 2015 - 7:03 am

      The civilization will collapse again at Nanowrimo😉

      • #68 by sfarnell on October 30, 2015 - 8:21 am

        I’m sure it will with all the writer writing their novels and getting ever stressful. I’m hoping to do it next year as I only heard of it’s existence last week and I don’t have the time to dedicate to it. I hope you do well and I’m sure you’ll be let us know how it goes😉

  56. #69 by Fleur on October 30, 2015 - 6:40 am

    You know you’re a writer when you start crying in random places because your character just had something happen to them in your head.

  57. #70 by Alice Orr on October 30, 2015 - 7:44 am

    Dear Kristen. My husband – aka Sweet Jonathan for my own shameful positive image purposes – just left for work with a peck kiss because I was absorbed in reading this. I sense he wanted to leave anyway because of the perplexed look he gave me as I LOL’d very L from my office at 6:30 a.m. I read every word and identified with way too many items. I only paused my reading once to go to Amazon and buy the DSM-5. Not the expensive one – the “Insanely Simplfied” version. I also had to stop for a peruse of the TOC of this new acquisition and that made me LOL too. This was at about the time I heard Sweet Jonathan running down the exit stairs so fast he may have fallen. I’ll check later re: that – when I take a writing break. Thanks. Alice

  58. #71 by Susan Wachowski on October 30, 2015 - 7:55 am

    I have laugh tears streaming down my face and I have not yet had my morning Chai. I am definitely a writer. Thanks for making it clear just how our minds work. I have to show my family that I am normal, see? See??

  59. #72 by Daryl Devore on October 30, 2015 - 9:56 am

    Don’t whether to thank you for the great laugh or cry at how many of those are true

  60. #73 by Patricia Robertson on October 30, 2015 - 10:46 am

    Love this! Sharing it on my blog and facebook page. http://patriciamrobertson.com/2015/10/29/ready-set-write/

  61. #74 by Sharon on October 30, 2015 - 11:47 am

    “You Know You’re a Writer When… You plow over the entire Kardashian family, because OMG DEAN KOONTZ!”

    And for that, you win the internet. 🙂

    You know you’re a writer when … you cry more over a lost manuscript than you did at Aunt Gertrude’s funeral.

  62. #75 by Esme Took on October 30, 2015 - 12:34 pm

    You Know You’re A Writer When you know the guy they arrested on TV isn’t guilty because there’s still 20 minutes left in the show.

  63. #76 by Cyn Kirkman on October 30, 2015 - 1:22 pm

    LMBO…. I just started writing my first Romance novel… Anyways… Haha

    You know you are a writer when you go camping and you just sit and listen to other camp goers tales, sneaking behind trees to listen in, so you have something good for yiur book! Lmbo, yep that’s me! Or when you go to the grocery store and spy on people and theor conversations lol … Loved your article!!

  64. #77 by Kate Warren on October 30, 2015 - 4:25 pm

    I short-circuit those people who don’t think writing is work by telling them “Oh, I don’t work, I’m a writer.”

    You know you’re a writer when you have a t-shirt that reads “I am a writer. Anything you say can and may be used in a novel.” and you wear said shirt in public.

  65. #78 by DT Krippene on October 30, 2015 - 6:15 pm

    Funny as always. Is that an Angel of Death, or Mercy? You know you’re a writer when you wear a cheap t-shirt with your author web page pasted on the back (like I do).

  66. #79 by Robin Berkley on October 30, 2015 - 6:24 pm

    ROFLMAO. Since I have done so many of the above, I guess I really am a writer

  67. #80 by ladymeritaten on October 30, 2015 - 10:19 pm

    I am a reader! Does that count?

    • #81 by Author Kristen Lamb on October 31, 2015 - 8:34 am

      Well, we LOVE readers. This probably applies to you too. Just one…more…chapter……

  68. #82 by American Writers Exposed on October 31, 2015 - 12:11 pm

    Reblogging on American Writers Exposed! So awesome!

  69. #83 by VeronicaThePajamaThief on October 31, 2015 - 11:11 pm

    “You’ve been mistaken for Gollum multiple times, because strangers found you in a dark corner whispering “My precious….” and it was just you and your Kindle.”

    OMG!! #rollingonthefloorlaughingmyprettylittlebuttoff

    I see myself in soooooooooooo many of those! Nana actually made me swear on a Bible that I would not correct people’s grammar at holiday dinners. I didn’t ask but I am going to assume relatives are fair game any other time of year. 😉

    I am reblogging this. I got a feeling I am going to need it a lot during the next 30 days.

    OMG! Less than three hours til NaNo… I gotta go boot up Bella and resharpen my pencils!

  70. #84 by VeronicaThePajamaThief on October 31, 2015 - 11:12 pm

    Reblogged this on Veronica The Pajama Thief and commented:
    Kristen Lamb is my new hero! ❤

  71. #85 by lisyndon on November 1, 2015 - 3:05 am

    I love this post. It just captivate the writer in me to even go further as a writer.

  72. #86 by jamiewauthor on November 1, 2015 - 8:36 pm

    Reblogged this on White's Wyrd World and commented:
    This is possibly the funniest post ever. LOL. I needed a laugh today since #NaNoWriMo is upon me. I also have announced a project I am doing this month on top of that, which… yeah. I’m insane. More details to come. Until then, enjoy!🙂

  73. #87 by Julie Glover on November 2, 2015 - 3:12 pm

    Just had to add to this one: You know you’re a writer when…you slam into a wall face-first and while still feeling the throbbing pain and wondering if your nose is broken, you realize this is actually book research because you can now describe running into a wall with excellent accuracy. *add running into wall scene to WIP* #truestory

  74. #88 by aurorajeanalexander on November 5, 2015 - 5:13 pm

    Reblogged this on Writer's Treasure Chest and commented:
    You know you’re a writer when… – …. Kristen Lamb tells you about her studies, knowledge and experience.😉
    This is such an amazing blog post, I know you’re going to enjoy it as much as I did.

  75. #89 by cpbialois on November 6, 2015 - 9:54 am

    Reblogged this on The BiaLog and commented:
    This is so awesome!😀

  76. #90 by edireland on November 6, 2015 - 4:54 pm

    Loved it! Here’s mine…you know you’re a writer when you tell someone that you are and they immediately begin to tell you about the story THEY want to write. And it usually sucks!

  77. #91 by edireland on November 6, 2015 - 4:57 pm

    Reblogged this on CrazyEnoughToWrite and commented:
    This is great…fantastic writer and a very much needed laugh for all of us writers

  78. #92 by Cindy E. Owens on November 18, 2015 - 12:32 am

    Girl, you had me laughing through this whole post. OMG! It was so HILARIOUS! I loved your different, “You know You’re A Writer When…” quips. My top three favorites were (in no particular order):

    “You Know You’re A Writer When…You plow over the entire Kardashian family, because OMG DEAN KOONTZ!”

    “You Know You’re A Writer When…You willingly suffer frostbite hiding in a Costco freezer eavesdropping a couple’s fight, because dialogue that epic is worth a losing pinkie toe. Your coffee table’s already tried to assassinate it 342 times anyway.” And, “You Know You’re A Writer When…You know what’s the best time of year to dispose of a body to confuse TOD and that seriously creeps out your friends and family.

    And you know what TOD stands for and that creeps them out even more.”

    I love to watch Discovery ID, and I do the same thing. I critique the killers. By the way, I am one of those people who knows that TOD means Time Of Death. Lol I watch WAY too many of those forensic type shows.

    I love reading your blog. Good luck in NaNoWriMo. I did something different and chose the PiBoIdMo (Picture Book Idea Month) instead.

  79. #93 by Cindy E. Owens on November 18, 2015 - 12:53 am

    I shared this post through my blog. Here is the link, if you would like to read my post about it.

    https://awritinglifeforme.wordpress.com/2015/11/18/you-know-youre-a-writer-when/

    I had to! It was too funny not to! Keep up the great work!

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