10 Ways to Improve Your “Likability Quotient”

Welcome to WANA Wednesday, based off my best-selling book, We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. There are a lot of different ways to do social media. My WANA methods rely heavily on learning to be part of a team, and, as we have discussed before, this is very contrary to traditional marketing. I believe social media works like a barn-raising. Everyone does a little bit for the good of the whole. Even just being mindful to do small things makes a huge difference in the long-run.

One of the biggest obstacles we face in social media is that we do have to limit the self-promotion. It turns people off and they really aren’t likely to listen when we go around tooting our own horn. What do we do then? We do what is counterintuitive…we support others.

The single largest determining factor as to whether a person will succeed or not on social media is our L.Q. Heard of I.Q.? Well, L.Q. is your Likabilty Quotient.

We don’t care how smart you are as much as we care if we LIKE you. When working on our social media platform, the ever-present questions should always be:

Do people like me?

I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. And there is no need to panic. Calm down. You don’t need to hide all your D&D books and tell your friends to get in the closet. This isn’t high school, where popularity is based on stupid stuff.

Likability is important. Why? We hang out with people we like. We promote them. We go out of our way for them. We want them to succeed.

Our information can be the best on the web, but when pitted against another blogger with not-as-great-information…but she connects to readers and we don’t? The likable blogger will win. If she promotes others and we don’t? Again, she will win.

Being an excellent writer is not enough.  When we get out on social media (or even launch a blog) we must make sure we have good content. That is a no-brainer. I don’t know about you guys, but find it hard to like people in person who ramble or talk to hear the sound of their own voice. On the web, I like substance just as much.

But, in addition to that great content, we MUST actively work on how others perceive us. We must become likable. How to we become likable? We serve others first. Remember the barn-raising? Help them raise their barn, and most people will be more than happy to return the favor.

I thought she’d never get on Facebook. Zeb? You got some peeps you can throw her way?

Top 10 Ways to Raise Your L.Q.

1. If we are on Twitter and we know an author writes great blogs, RT (retweet) for them. It only takes a minute of time, and it earns you a reputation of being an edifier.

2. Comment on blogs. A healthy comments section is a sign of a healthy blog. Comments are encouraging to bloggers who take a lot of time to craft meaningful posts. When readers take time to comment, it has the potential to generate dialogue. Dialogue is critical for a blog to thrive.  I want comments on my blog, so I go out of my way to comment on the blogs of others.

3. Reply to comments on our own blogs. I wish I could reply to every single last one of you. You guys have no idea how much you make my day when you take the time to post feedback, compliments or even your opinions. Remember in social media, our goal is to form relationships. Relationships are two-way streets.

4. Visit the sites of those who post in your comments. You guys might not be aware, but I am always on the lookout for great blogs for the mash-up. I regularly click on your websites and blogs.

5. Embed trackbacks (hyperlinks)…um the blue thingies. Link to other blogs you like. Link to books you like. Hey, we need all the help we can get these days. There are A LOT of choices. Mash-ups (lists of favorite links/blogs) and even recommendations are a great way to help out other writers and generate more traffic to your blog at the same time. Everyone wins.

6. Blog about your favorite books, then link to that author’s book, home page or blog. Need blogging ideas? Go out of your way to promote others. Part of why I talk so much about Bob Mayer, James Scott Bell, Les Edgerton, Donald Mass, Blake Snyder, Jessica Morrell and Christopher Vogler is because these writers are my heroes. I believe that these are the best teachers in the industry. Now, instead of them having to go out and self-promote I have gifted them with the best gift a writer can have….a genuine word-of-mouth recommendation from a fan. Make life easy on other authors, and who knows? They might one day love to return the favor.

7. When you see a blog/book you like, take a moment to tweet the post or repost the link on your FB page. This helps the blogger/author gain exposure she otherwise wouldn’t have. It also benefits people in your circle of friends in that you are acting as a filter for great information…which helps your platform grow because people trust you for quality goods.

8. Openly praise. When I see a writer post a blog, I go out of my way to open, scan and take a look. Then, when I post, I make sure to add a “Great post!” or a “Very interesting!” Trust me. People remember an authentic compliment.

9. Repost someone else’s blog. Some people might get weird about this, but this is an amazing way to spread influence for you and the blogger you repost. Have the flu? Power outage and you don’t know how you will get a blog together in time? No worries. Just repost. How do you do this?

Give the title of the blog, and make it very clear you are reposting someone else’s content. Only give the first couple paragraphs…enough to hook a reader. Then add a hyperlink to the original blog. Now you have a blog post and the blogger you promoted now has exposure to your regular followers. I gain a lot of subscriptions this way. There are some people who had never heard of me until Marilag Lubag (Hi Marilag!) reposted one of my blogs. Her readers followed the hyperlink, loved my blog (in its entirety), and I have new fans. Yippppeeee!

10. At least hit the “Like” button. I know that sometimes I read blogs on my phone and I really don’t feel like trying to type out a compliment. I have a touch screen and there is an auto-correct function. My compliment would probably look like this:

 I loved your blood. You make so many grape poinsettias and I wish I wood have fought of it. Grape stuff. Looking forehead to next leek’s blood.

So if you don’t want a blogger thinking you want to “leak their blood” instead of “read their blog” it is fine. Hit the “Like” button. Takes two seconds and it encourages the writer who put their effort into the blonde…blood…blog. And they WILL remember your face.

You know, I didn’t always do things the right way. In the beginning, my blogs sounded more like lectures. Was I stuck up? No. Was I insecure and waiting for the digital cabbages to come flying through the screen? Yes. Fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid or making a mistake can keep us from genuinely interacting. But when we fail to interact, what others see is a snob, not someone who is literally terrified that both feet will fly in her mouth. I know it doesn’t make sense, but humans are self-centered, insecure and neurotic.

If someone makes a weird face, we automatically assume they are looking at our fat thighs (okay, maybe that is just me). We don’t stop to think that person might be shy. Why? Because we are paranoid narcissists and like to believe we influence everything. It’s a control thing. You know I am right😀. You, in the back, lurking on my blog. We do like you, you just were so quiet you blended in with HTML. Come hang out. Have a snack.

Can you spot the writer?

Being likable is far easier than it seems. I guarantee you that if you just employ a handful of those ten tactics, your following will improve tremendously. Why? Because you will be giving others what we all desperately need…support, validation, compliments.

What are some habits/behaviors that you guys LIKE? What small or big things can others do that just warms your heart and puts you on their team? Conversely, what are some pet peeves? Maybe we are screwing up but don’t know. Educate us! I want to hear from you guys.

And, to prove it and show my love, for the month of February, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention WANA in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel.

Happy writing!

Until next time…

In the meantime, if you don’t already own a copy, my best-selling book We Are Not Alone–The Writers Guide to Social Media is recommended by literary agents and endorsed by NY Times best-selling authors. My method is free, fast, simple and leaves time to write more books.

Also, I highly recommend the Write It Forward Workshops. Learn all about plotting, how to write great characters, and even how to self-publish successfully…all from the best in the industry. I will be teaching on social media and building a brand in March. For $20 a workshop, you can change your destiny….all from the comfort of home.

Mash-Up of Awesomeness

It is as if she KNEW what I would be writing about. The awesome Jane Friedman brings you How to Leave Meaningful Blog Comments

Fantastic post by the Genius Word Pirate with Tourett’s Chuck Wendig Worldbuilding is a Kind of Masturbation.

Really cute blog by Amy Sundberg, This isn’t a “Rambling,” I Promise

Jan O’Hara brings us a great blog on conflict From Bodkins to Back-Stabbing–Elizabeth Loupas on Spiking Your Novel with Conflict

5 Tips for Squashing Self-Doubt Demons from the beautiful, talented and FUNNY Tawna Fenske.

One of my new favorite blogs. Cid Tyler is one of the smartest most talented people I have ever met. She makes me sick um, no jealous. Wait, no. She makes me try harder. YES! Check out her World-Building: Timing Matters

Loving Peter St.Clair’s explanation of my Big Boss Troublemaker, and he gives an excellent mash-up at the end. Okay, I am a tad biased. Also, if you are fascinated by cults (um, who isn’t) then I recommend his series on Jim Jones and the People’s Temple.

Manon Eileen has some really cool blogs about psychology. Very useful for research.

Need a good laugh? Bayard and Holmes…The Love Doctors.

Is the First Book We Write Usually Garbage? by Jody Hedlund is also must-read.

AWESOME post from The Creative Penn How to Grow Your Reader Community with an Author Blog

What are some of your favorite blogs? I miss anyone you think needs to be in the MUA? Put their link in the comments.

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  1. #1 by JLSimons on February 23, 2011 - 4:37 pm

    Just found you today, just got this post in my inbox, and just checked out Chuck Wendig from your MashUp (how could I resist a title like that?). Kristen, you rock in many directions at once, all good.

    • #2 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 23, 2011 - 4:39 pm

      Chuck is my FAVE. I am totally a Wendig Fan Girl. Glad you liked and THANKS!😀.

      • #3 by Cid on February 23, 2011 - 4:53 pm

        Chuck is awesomeness. I might have cried from laughing too hard when I read his blog yesterday.

  2. #4 by Cid on February 23, 2011 - 4:39 pm

    First, aaawwwweeee Kristen you’re awesome. You just made me smile and happy and stuff on a not-so-great-morning. 😀

    Second – wow! I had a very long conversation with the sales team at work about using social media effectively and one of the things they didn’t understand was just self promoting ourselves on a medium like Twitter wasn’t going to get us the kind of attention we wanted. It’s a work in progress, but so true! People don’t join these things so they can be sold to or told what they’ll like by a stranger – they join to make connections. Use the personal connection to make suggestions! *gets off soap box*

    • #5 by Peter on February 23, 2011 - 4:46 pm

      Tell them to read Kristen’s book. I see a lot of potential information in it for even non-writers trying to create a platform. My wife’s starting a photography business and her book was the first thing I mentioned when she talked about going online.

      • #6 by Cid on February 23, 2011 - 4:51 pm

        I’ve mentioned it a few times. What’s most likely to happen is everyone will hand the whole idea of social marketing over to me – which I’m fine with. Um, you want to PAY me to hang out on twitter? Awesome! I have an awesome job.

  3. #7 by Peter on February 23, 2011 - 4:44 pm

    Get out of my head! Seriously I was just talking with someone about this earlier this morning. It’s important for people to like us as writers, else who would want to buy the stuff we put out? I don’t believe you should be fake to get people to like you, but maybe we need to try and sand down the rough edges, because God knows I have some.

    I often have a hard time commenting on a lot of blogs. Many of them are well written and worth sharing, but they aren’t my cup of tea as far as things that interest me personally. You know, someone posts something and you know that some of your followers will like it, so you share it, but it’s not necessarily something you would read yourself. Do you have any advice for the non-commenter like me?

    And as always, thanks for the shout out! I mentioned and linked you several times in that post, does that mean you’ll read my stuff more than once if I win? Just kidding!

    • #8 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 23, 2011 - 4:49 pm

      That’s why we as bloggers need to ask questions at the end. If we want comments…help people out, for God’s sake! Don’t make them think too hard! LOL

  4. #9 by dtrasler on February 23, 2011 - 4:46 pm

    So where, on the likeability scale, does “writing a poem” as a blog entry come? I’m doing that today as a way of boosting a fellow blogger’s visibility, but took the opportunity to tag you and another blogger who is a big influence on me. So, unless the poem bit backfires, I’m helping me, you, Lucy and Belle, right?

    It’s good to hear that blogging isn’t like High school – I love the way you express these ideas!

  5. #10 by jesswords10 on February 23, 2011 - 4:48 pm

    Kristen, thanks for always sending out good advice and support to fellow writers! I really leak your blood, I mean like your blog, especially for being so honest that we have our ups and downs, but you give us strategic and motivational tips to keep chugging away! I know writers can have a rough patch now and again, hell, I just posted a blog on bologna sandwiches and chardonnay! But thank you for always keeping it real for us. I finally have a weekend to my name coming up and I plan to dive into my writing ambitions with more gusto!

  6. #11 by K.B. Owen on February 23, 2011 - 4:52 pm

    It’s helpful to have these spelled out, Kristen! Those courtesies on Twitter are so important to helping us feel connected. It’s funny how we don’t think twice about the little verbal toss-offs we say face-to-face that keep the social engine running smoothly, or the favors we’ll do, but it takes a little more thought (but no more effort) when we’re at the keyboard.

    I always love how encouraging your postings are – thanks!

  7. #12 by Allison Brennan on February 23, 2011 - 4:53 pm

    Excellent advice — I’ll add one thing (a pet peeve) — don’t promo your book on another author’s blog or facebook wall. There is nothing that irritates me more. I believe wholeheartedly in helping fellow authors where I can, but to me putting up a “check out my new book” on my wall is like posting a campaign sign in my front lawn. I may or may not like the candidate, but I want the choice as to whether to put up the sign.

    As far as FB, twitter, and blogs–I completely agree, be likable, but also be authentic. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Don’t comment on everything. If you don’t know something, don’t post an answer. It’s better to do one thing well than ten things half-ass. (Hmm, I should take my own advice! LOL.)

    Thanks Kristen

  8. #13 by Manon Eileen on February 23, 2011 - 5:10 pm

    A great blog again, Kristen! And thanks a bunch for the shout out *hugs*

    [quote] What are some habits/behaviors that you guys LIKE? What small or big things can others do that just warms your heart and puts you on their team? Conversely, what are some pet peeves? Maybe we are screwing up but don’t know. Educate us! I want to hear from you guys. [/quote]

    I try really hard to engage discussion on my blog… I really genuinely enjoy it when people take the time to reply and share their opinions or experience… It means a lot to me! Also, I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to RT or Like.

    Lately I’ve become increasingly annoyed by #WW or #FF from people that I have no clue who they are and I know they don’t have a clue who I am. When I check out their profiles, they usually have made 43749814 other #FF or #WW tweets… In my opinion it has become meaningless spam! It doesn’t only annoy me, it also saddens me because it’s kind of diminishing the #ww and #ff worth.

    I’ve personally made the mistake of blatantly promoting myself on another site, and after I hit “post comment”, I really regretted it. I couldn’t delete the reply though😦 I know it’s annoying and I would hate it if someone would do that on my blog. I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote that comment. >_> Well, at least I know to never ever do it again…

    I’m sure I have other pet peeves but I can’t think of them right now… *belly grumbles* I’m off to go get groceries for dinner!

    Thanks for your great post again, Kristen!

    • #14 by Kerry Meacham on February 24, 2011 - 11:50 am

      Manon’s comment causes me to stop and think, “I wonder how many #WW or #FF tweets are too many? I’m trying to build my Twitter presence, so I #WW and #FF several people each week. I interact with them all, so I don’t think it’s spamming. But at what point does it become so?

      HEY WAIT A MINUTE. WE HAVE THE GURU RIGHT HERE. Soooooo…..Kristen, how many is too many #WW or #FF tweets?

      Oh yeah, I loved the post. I’m doing all but one non-blog LQ item. I’m working my way through WANA before starting my blog, so I’ll be sure an utilize this blog once I start my own. Thanks again as always..

      • #15 by Falyn Donaldson on February 24, 2011 - 12:08 pm

        I hope you don’t mind me putting my 2 cents in. I don’t think the number of #WW or #FF matters as much as the context. I hate the ones with just a bunch of names and the hashtag. On the other hand, if the tweet says why you should follow the person, I normally check them out.

      • #16 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 24, 2011 - 1:16 pm

        I agree with Falyn. A coupld words like “Great Writers” “Funny People” helps. If you are like me and don’t have a lot of time. Just pread them out over the day. A few here and there, that way you aren’t blitzing others. We’ll discuss this on a Twitter Tuesday😉.

      • #17 by Marilag Lubag on February 24, 2011 - 3:47 pm

        I’m guilty of this. My friend just explained to me what #ff means when I first started (last November) so I go crazy with it.

      • #18 by Manon Eileen on February 24, 2011 - 10:39 pm

        You know, it’s alright if it’s 3, 4 or even 5 tweets with a couple of names in it. Even if it’s just with a hashtag… But I’ve seen people that go all out on fridays and wednesdays, and I mean ALL OUT. Nearly hundreds of tweets with names in them, in ONE day!

        X_X

        To be honest, it’s totally devalued it for me, at least the random ones in which I’m included. I only look at #ff and #ww from my friends, like Kristen’s.

        I rarely send out an #ff or #ww myself, only when I really think someone could use/deserves it (and of course the tweet says why someone should follow him/her). That way at least people will know that when I send one out, they really *should* follow them because they’re people I value.

        But I get really picky over stuff like this :p

        Can’t wait to see what you have to say about this in a Twitter Tuesday post, Kristen!

    • #19 by Piglet on March 22, 2011 - 8:03 pm

      I totally agree with Manon about the #ff and #ww. In fact I’ve become so tired of being spammed by consecutive longs lists that I un-liked a few repeat offenders. I do think if the tweeter adds a blurb saying why we should follow a particular user it would be much better (especially if there is only one user mentioned per post). Excellent post…now I know I’m not alone in my annoyance🙂

  9. #20 by Suzan on February 23, 2011 - 5:14 pm

    First off, I should be packing, but I’m reading your blog instead. Love me, Kristen. I am awesome. I remember commenting once on an author’s blog and I got an email thanking me for coming by. Um… I was a little creeped out by it, honestly. I mean, if I wanted an email, I would have emailed YOU in the first place. Dude, just comment back. Don’t send me emails.

    maybe that’s just the neurotic introvert in me. I don’t know. I’m usually that pair of Converse behind the curtain. Pet peeves: misuse of Goodreads recommendations, posting on other author’s FB walls promoting your own work, commenting with an opposing point of view just to cause controversy and drive people to check out your crappy blog… Ahem.

    I think I’m done now.😉

  10. #21 by Falyn Donaldson on February 23, 2011 - 5:17 pm

    Hi Kristen! I am a lurker. I know that I don’t come out of my lurkdom enough on other people’s blogs, but I’m trying and that counts, right?
    I have recently started a new feature on my blog called “Teaser Tuesday” where I feature a fellow author’s book. I have had great success and now have new connections (and a MUCH larger TBR pile).
    As always, thanks for the great advice.

    • #22 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 23, 2011 - 5:25 pm

      That is an AWESOME idea. Thanks for sharing…oh, and you have some curtain fuzz in your hair. Yes, there….you got it. Thanks for coming out of hiding!😀

  11. #23 by Patti Mallett on February 23, 2011 - 5:24 pm

    Once again: Cool, Cool, Cool (and so very helpful!) Blog Post. Thanks to you I’m making it, and that’s coming from a gal with no, let me say that again, No! sense of direction in the real world. You are my Map Quest for Social Media!!

  12. #24 by M. McGriff on February 23, 2011 - 5:32 pm

    Awesome breakdown Kristen and you’re so right about commenting and spreading the word about other great blogs out there. I found that blogging is a community and you do have to serve others. What you put out there (good or bad) will circle back around to you!

    Btw: I linked back to your blog on my blog post today!🙂

  13. #25 by Lili Tufel on February 23, 2011 - 5:39 pm

    My favorite part was the auto-correct compliment. That was hilarious and so true. Confession: I was always scared that my comments would have typos because I usually comment from either my phone or when I’m in a hurry. And after a few comments with a typo here and there, I’m okay with it now – better a comment with a typo than no comment at all.

  14. #26 by Amy Shojai on February 23, 2011 - 6:04 pm

    You must post a WARNING before reading your blog: “SIPPING BEVERAGE WHILE READING can be a danger to your writing health” (or at least the computer’s health). In future, I’ll keep the Windex and Bounty handy–

    BTW, notice the great product placement? *eg* Wonder if they’d like a spokesperson…

    Great blog, again.

  15. #27 by Kait Nolan on February 23, 2011 - 6:05 pm

    I think in general stuff that I love is people who pay it forward and particularly people who are POSITIVE. I mean, really, there is enough negativity in the world between all the discouraging messages we get from the publishing industry and the news and the crappy economy and Life Stuff that just has us overwhelmed. I absolutely find myself drawn to people who remain POSITIVE and happy because it’s like sort of sunning myself in their happy, which rubs off on my own mood and makes ME happy. So I guess a pet peeve of mine is people who grouse about stuff all the time. Sure, we all have bad days and if something awful is going on, I’d like to know so I can be supportive, but sprinkle in the good stuff too!

  16. #28 by Simone Benedict on February 23, 2011 - 6:15 pm

    Some of the behaviors/habits I appreciate from the regular readers of my blog is regular comments. Several of my subscribers comment even if my post is not so great. Recently when I was having connection problems one subscriber tweeted my posts for me. I really appreciated that!

  17. #29 by educlaytion on February 23, 2011 - 6:52 pm

    Hay pear. I love your blood!

    So funny you are. The reminders on how to act around the web are spot on.

    I just started a Saturday feature where I throw out links to some of the best stuff I’ve discovered in the past hew days. It doesn’t matter when those works were created, just that I found them.

    I think this post will be taking up one of my spots this weekend🙂

    Grape stuff. Looking forehead to next leek’s blood!

  18. #30 by RachelWriting on February 23, 2011 - 7:01 pm

    Wonderful suggestions. Thanks!

  19. #31 by Lisa Ullrich on February 23, 2011 - 7:13 pm

    I get really excited when I receive comments, likes and readers on my blog. I also get excited when I receive a Twitter text message from someone who responded to me. I’m still pretty new to this, so these things don’t happen very often, but they make my day!

    Great post!

  20. #32 by PK Hrezo on February 23, 2011 - 7:15 pm

    A perfect example: I’d just finished reading Jessica Morrell’s book “Thanks, But This Isn’t for Us,” and I loved it so much. I noticed her blog was mentioned in the back pages and started following it. I did a spotlight on my own blog on how much I got out of her book and how great her blog is. On a whim, I emailed Jessica to let her know how much I appreciated her book and sent her the link to my blog. She not only thanked me on her own blog, but linked back to me for her own readers, of which I got a couple of new followers. How cool! I was so flattered she took the time to do that, and she was grateful for me promoting her book.

    The writing/blogging community is so awesome when peeps genuinely care about each other and their craft.

  21. #33 by MaLinda Johnson on February 23, 2011 - 8:16 pm

    Great post as always and good tips to people just starting out! I agree that Social Media isn’t high school (thank goodness). I would compare it to preschool recess. No one is going to bite you and if they do, you don’t have to play with them anymore. But, if you never try out the swings or go down the slide at least once, you’ll never know how much fun it is.

    • #34 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 23, 2011 - 9:05 pm

      I love that comparison. Thanks!

  22. #35 by keroome on February 23, 2011 - 8:56 pm

    OK, so I’m way down here after the rush and gettin my 26 cents in. I only know of one person who subscribes. And she’s a friend of my sister’s. So I hear all the time you have to write in your own voice. What if I have one of those annoying high-pitched voices, or one of those really gravelly voices that, after a while, people just give up trying to figure out? I write what I think about, what means something to me. Is that likeable? I don’t know. What do people on the internet think about? I read what others write and feel way different. Is that likeable? Maybe I should hire a critic.

    • #36 by Marilag Lubag on February 24, 2011 - 1:42 am

      I don’t think writing voice is like that. For one thing, your vocal cords won’t be a factor with writing, how you express yourself will.😉

  23. #37 by Piper Bayard on February 23, 2011 - 9:07 pm

    Hi Kristen. Great list. I would add that I love it when someone on Twitter just chats with me. A little, “Hi, how are you?” action. And if they show me they paid attention the last time, i.e. follow up question on kids or dental work or recipe that didn’t turn out so well, they have a supporter for life in me. I just love friendly people. There are some quality people out there who rarely or never just talk to people. I don’t give them nearly as much blog and twitter love as the people who do. Thanks for the shout out, and thanks for yet another great post.

  24. #38 by Gene Lempp on February 23, 2011 - 9:35 pm

    Another great post Kristen! MUA is one the coolest things I’ve found on your site that illustrates this blog. Through it I’ve found a great array of excellent writers and bloggers, just like I found this site through Bob Mayers and his through Randy Ingermanson. Keep up the excellent work, I can say that I look forward to every new post.

  25. #39 by nrhatch on February 23, 2011 - 10:27 pm

    You say, “I want comments on my blog, so I go out of my way to comment on the blogs of others.”

    While I agree, I am also wondering whether I should take it personally that I’ve commented on your blog at least 25-30 times and you have yet to comment on mine? 🙂

    • #40 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 24, 2011 - 3:06 am

      I haven’t commented, but I can honestly say that I have visted your blog several times. I will work on it😀.

    • #41 by nrhatch on February 24, 2011 - 3:15 am

      Thanks, Kristen. Please comment only if you are MOVED to do so by the subject matter.

      I have lots of repeat visitors who choose not to comment. Apparently some people are not as “chatty” as me ~ shocking but true. 🙂

      • #42 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 24, 2011 - 3:20 am

        That’s one of the reasons that questions at the end help. It’s like we are a deer in the headlights and the questions get that gray matter working😀.

  26. #43 by Bob Mayer on February 23, 2011 - 10:28 pm

    Social media can be a tough place, especially walking the line between being social, promoting, networking and gathering and giving information. If you’re on it long enough, soon enough someone will feel they have to tell you you’re doing something wrong. On the flip side, some people have actually become successful by being outrageous.
    One thing I have noticed is a big uptick in auto-dms on twitter. I don’t think that should be used at all, but again, just my opinion.

    • #44 by Kait Nolan on February 23, 2011 - 10:37 pm

      There’s nothing wrong with them if they’re used CORRECTLY. The auto-DM is not about throwing YOU YOU YOU in the face of whoever deigned to follow you. What is IS awesome for is STARTING A CONVERSATION. I ask a series of questions in my auto-DM and have wound up having a lot of lovely chats as a result because I asked about THEM and THEIR interests instead of spewing about myself.

      • #45 by Marilag Lubag on February 24, 2011 - 1:47 am

        Thanks for the tip. I don’t check my DM’s because it’s full of spams. My friends don’t normally use it. If you tell me that you DM’d me, I’ll check it but otherwise, I won’t.

  27. #46 by Ashley on February 23, 2011 - 11:55 pm

    Kristen,
    Yet again this post was right on target for what I needed to hear. I am breaking into the social media world and am trying to learn as much as I can from others before making the same mistakes. I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to share your experiences. Not only do I learn from your posts, I also check out the blogs you share, as well as individuals that leave especially interesting comments on blogs. So far, social media seems to be much kinder than high school, although I did like the preschool recess comparison.

    Your hard work and time is much appreciated!
    Ashley

  28. #47 by amblerangel on February 24, 2011 - 1:31 am

    I have taken a page out of your blog by quoting from my favorite bloggers with the link highlighted back to their page. Sometimes, one of my readers will make a really great comment that sparks a new blog post. I will use the comment as an intro for the new post- of course using their name and blog linked to the site. It also serves as a great way to highlight “follow up” items.

  29. #48 by Marilag Lubag on February 24, 2011 - 2:13 am

    Thanks for the mention! It made me smile and blush ten shades of red. 😉 I like it when people RT my blog and post comments. It touches my heart. 🙂 This is why I do my best to read and post comments on other people’s blogs. If I’m busy, I just go back the next day (or the next) when I have more time.

    I only have one pet peeve–spamming. One would be the blatant spamming from Twitter (the ones about “writers needed”). Another would be spam DM’s, which is the type of DM I usually get.

  30. #49 by Joanna Aislinn on February 24, 2011 - 2:17 am

    My only problem with this awesome blog, Kristen, is I want to follow EVERY ******ing link you include, lol. I’m AADD (1st A = ACQUIRED) enough. Can’T wait to check out the MUA! Thaks for all the great tips.

  31. #50 by Les Howard on February 24, 2011 - 2:46 am

    Kristen, I’ve been lurking on your blog for months. I think those are my sneakers under the curtain. I’m a photographer and you’ve certainly given me lots of useful information. I’ve probably made every mistake on your list – and more you didn’t mention. Even though your principal audience is other writers, most of the principles you talk about apply to everyone. (Hmmm – I don’t think I’ve ever used those two synonyms together in the same sentence before).

    I put a link on my own blog and included a mention of your book.

  32. #51 by kayspringsteen on February 24, 2011 - 3:22 am

    Hmmmmm, do I comment and take a chance on winning….and finding flies drawn in my margins?🙂

    Seriously, everything I learned about social networking comes from you. I can’t put you on my blog today because I’m running an announcement for a charity but tomorrow or Friday I will. In the meantime, I ALWAYS share you on Facebook.

    Cheers!

  33. #52 by Jenyfer Matthews on February 24, 2011 - 3:42 am

    I found your blog by way of social media – a friend on FB linked to you – and I liked your blog so much that I friended you and also added a link to your blog on the sidebar of my blog. How many brownie points is that worth?🙂

    I’ve been learning as I go for the last 5 years or so and have come to the same conclusions in your list – but still it is nice to have it all so neatly laid out. I’ll definitely be sharing this post. There are plenty of people out there who still need a few tips, LOL!

    • #53 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 24, 2011 - 7:54 am

      Wow…VERY awesome. I am actually going to have more than one winner. I thought about it and everyone has been so supportive that I am going to pick one person from each week for a prize…I will look at the first 5 pages. Trust me, I can tell A LOT in five pages and you have even less than that to hook a reader for a purchase. Then I will draw overall for the 15. I am thinking on doing this for 3? months and then drawing for the BIG prize which is I look at your first 50 pages. It’ll be fun😀.

  34. #54 by Tracy on February 24, 2011 - 7:49 am

    Thanks for telling us how to repost (and that it’s okay to do it). That’s what I like about your blog. You just tell us what to do, you tell us how to do it as well. I’ve learned a lot.

    • #55 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 24, 2011 - 7:56 am

      Yeah, well I made all the mistakes so you guys don’t have to, ha ha ha ha ha. Some bloggers might be weird about it, but you are always welcome to repost mine, and I blog 4 times a WEEK so you have plenty to choose from. Thanks for the compliment and the comment. You guys are really awesome.

      • #56 by K.B. Owen on February 24, 2011 - 3:53 pm

        Another blogger just gave me permission to re-post her blog (it’s so cool, and fits in perfectly w/my 19thc history blog). I’ll be doing that in a couple of weeks, but don’t quite know how to go about it. Which post was it where you described how to do it, Kristen? I forget – *blush* – I really do read them, honest🙂

        • #57 by Author Kristen Lamb on February 24, 2011 - 4:36 pm

          LOL…no worries. It’s in the list. Just put the title, denote it is a repost, post the first couple of paragraphs on your blog, then give a link so your followers can read the entire blog. If you want, you can repost the whole blog, but it is courteous to at least at the end, give a link to the author’s blog. That answer your question?

      • #58 by K.B. Owen on February 24, 2011 - 3:55 pm

        P.S. – anyone notice how Thursdays (the only weekday Kristen doesn’t blog) we get a lot of answers to our comments? Hmm…I sense a pattern here😉

        It’s like a mini-blog!

  35. #59 by Grace Lewis on February 24, 2011 - 9:23 am

    Kristen,
    You provide a lot of useful (and hilarious) information that has already helped me, but I’d like to thank you for the most important lesson so far – supporting others. I will admit that I used to have the mentality that we were all competing against each other. I remember the blog (or maybe it was in your book) about jealousy, and realized that by not promoting other people I was being selfish (to the writer and other people who could potentially benefit/enjoy their writing) and remaining as an outsider in the writer community. By commenting and making a conscious effort to spread great blogs, I am learning and expanding my network. I think this is more than just a writing lesson – it’s a life lesson.

    I’m working on commenting more and also including questions. Glad to know that it’s okay just say “Great blog” even if I can’t come up with some useful commentary.

  36. #60 by Joanna Penn on February 24, 2011 - 10:45 am

    Great post Kristen and you got my attention with a trackback! (so your points work!) I also always tweet with attribution because it helps build a relationship and then try to take the conversation off twitter and onto their blog – or onto a podcast interview which I love doing. 30 minutes on video skype helps you get to know people🙂
    Thanks, Joanna

  37. #61 by Christiane Alsop on February 24, 2011 - 10:47 am

    So helpful. Thanks for this great post, the ABC for social media.

  38. #62 by Ells on February 24, 2011 - 4:03 pm

    Thanks for another really helpful post.

    I’ve been reading regularly for a while now, and have been applying your tips. I’m a musician, not a writer, but even so I have found loads of the tips useful and can transfer to what I’m doing.

    You’re so right when you say that to be successful on social media we need to be likeable, but until I started reading your blog I hadn’t thought of it in this way. Thanks for changing my perspective!

  39. #63 by Tawna Fenske on February 24, 2011 - 4:24 pm

    Amen to all of these tips! Excellent reminders. I was so good about #3 (replying to blog comments) for the first 10 months I blogged, but it’s been getting tougher and tougher lately. I still manage a few days a week and try to pop in for a blanket “thanks for commenting” the rest of the time, but it’s harder than it used to be.

    Thanks for the linkage to my blog, by the way!

    Tawna

  40. #64 by Heather on February 24, 2011 - 4:49 pm

    As always, Kristen, I love your super-helpful advice!

  41. #65 by kat yeh on February 24, 2011 - 4:57 pm

    wonderful article and so needed — especially in an industry like children’s literature where competing against fellow writers does not seem to be on the radar as much as supporting and cheering for them! we’re doing what we love! what could be better than embracing and teaming up with others who are doing the same😉

  42. #66 by jennamccarthy on February 24, 2011 - 5:19 pm

    I really want my name in a hat somewhere. Plus I love the curtain photo (or are they drapes? I never really knew the difference) and I want to steal it for the cover of my next book. I am pretty sure I am likable (even though apparently–thank you spell check–I can’t spell likable on the first try). Thanks for the great info!

  43. #67 by Michelleb Anderson on February 24, 2011 - 5:45 pm

    Loved this! Sometimes it’s so obvious that we tend to overlook the best path to success. Thanks for reminding me that what I want is something I have to be willing to give!

  44. #68 by Christi Craig on February 24, 2011 - 6:23 pm

    Kristen,

    I love all your tips. The one I struggle the most with is leaving comments on others’ blogs. Not because I don’t think it’s important, but because of the time factor: I don’t want to breeze through a post and leave a random, general “Great post!” comment. Though, maybe that’s just a good?….

    Anyway, I’m working on finding ways & time to comment more, and, in the meantime, I’m RT-ing posts and sharing them on facebook when I can.

  45. #69 by CBlaire on February 24, 2011 - 8:05 pm

    Have *saved* this blog post. What a wealth of information!! Thanks :))

  46. #70 by Scott Johnson on February 25, 2011 - 2:39 am

    Great advice. What you have shared is so true and it works!!

  47. #71 by Mallory Snow on February 25, 2011 - 6:33 am

    I love timely posts and this post was very timely for me. I think if readers ignored the content, they would still learn something by listening to the way you speak to your readers. Very likable. 😉

  48. #72 by Nesi Writes on February 25, 2011 - 4:28 pm

    Informative and funny but real wisdom imparted in your post “10 Ways to Improve Your Likeability Quotient”…Thanks for sharing your “blood” :- )…

  49. #73 by Julia Rachel Barrett on February 25, 2011 - 8:23 pm

    Love this post – I think I got here via the backdoor, but I’m so glad I opened it!

  50. #74 by virginiaripple on February 25, 2011 - 9:18 pm

    Gotta say thanks, Kristen. I’ve got a major cold (can’t even string a complete sentence together without a little gibberish leaping in :P) and your advice on reposting really helped me out. Keep up the good work.

  51. #75 by mirandasuri on February 26, 2011 - 5:20 pm

    Just found your blog today (via a trackback from another friend’s blog) – this is a great post with a lot of truly helpful suggestions for those of use relatively new to the blogging scene. Thanks for the insight!

  52. #76 by Lisa Ullrich on February 26, 2011 - 5:34 pm

    This post seems to have generated more comments that your others…or is it just my imagination? I’m wondering what is #ww?

  53. #77 by botut on February 27, 2011 - 7:48 am

    Thanks for writing on this topic. I have been educated! Who knew that such a system or method existed in the blogging world. Ok, don’t answer that question because I’m probably in the minority…but not any more!

  54. #78 by Kristin on March 2, 2011 - 3:44 am

    I really appreciated your blog. I am working on building a platform and you have given me some excellent pointers to start with. Thanks

  55. #79 by David N. Walker on March 3, 2011 - 5:06 pm

    Kristen – I haven’t been leaving comments, because you know I was your #1 fan before the writing community knew you, but I’ll try to do better at commenting now and then.

  56. #80 by Janelle Madigan on March 3, 2011 - 5:11 pm

    OMG. Thanks for posting this (and reposting it via Facebook, which is how I came sneaking into class late, tiptoeing toward one of the seats in the back of the lecture hall…).

    I must’ve spent an hour thinking about this very subject last night. I feel like you read my mind. I’m still trying to figure out what my blog is, where I’m going with it, and how to manage the social-media mix. As an introvert, this whole “networking” thing can be overwhelming. But I actually do enjoy meeting people, face-to-face or online. Really. Once I manage to clear my throat.

    Sorry if this comment posts multiple times. Having some computer woes right now and can’t tell if it’s gone through!
    🙂

    • #81 by Author Kristen Lamb on March 3, 2011 - 5:51 pm

      No worries. I deleted the duplicate. You will catch up quickly. They key is focus, time-management and having a plan😉.

  57. #82 by Ellie Ann on March 3, 2011 - 5:53 pm

    What a great post! Reminds me of the quote:
    “when I was young I respected people who are clever. Now I respect people who are kind.”
    Thanks for the wise asvice. Leeking forehead too your ex post.

  58. #83 by Amber Argyle on March 4, 2011 - 4:06 am

    I have a hard time with the whole online networking stuff. I’m marketing for my novel that comes out in Sept, and I feel like all of my writing time is getting sucked into marketing. It’s so frustrating.

  59. #84 by Elisa Michelle on March 7, 2011 - 4:43 am

    I have to admit, reading your blogs makes me feel relieved. I’m very, very, very shy. I hide behind curtains, couches, basically anything that’ll hide my face and what I perceive as my God-awful personality. So here I am, coming out and saying hi. Your points are great, I think you’ve made a new fan in me. I’m definitely keeping up with your work.

  60. #85 by David N. Alderman on March 10, 2011 - 10:16 pm

    Great post, Kristen. I’ve felt overwhelmed by all that marketing entails lately – especially in terms of social networking – but posts like this help me realize it’s all doable.

    I especially agree with your comment –
    “Fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid or making a mistake can keep us from genuinely interacting.”
    That one reason – fear – kept me from posting anything really genuine in regards to writing on my blog until just recently. I spent a long time hiding my writing – and my real personality – from others and showed up as a lack of substance to the posts I put up. I’m slowing coming out my shell now though and am finding it’s actually quite fun to throw myself out there and see what people think of me and my work.🙂

    Thanks again for the great tips.

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