10 Ways to Improve Your “Likability Quotient”

A couple weeks ago, I had a post about how to sell fiction. We explored the WHY behind the BUY. The same tools that will sell car insurance or bank accounts won’t work for selling books. Fiction is emotional, and often we will purchase based off feelings. This is why likability on social media is so crucial to marketing. We are no longer selling stories…we are selling ourselves, which just confirms for me that writers really are the oldest profession in the world. But that’s another topic entirely :D.

Often we will judge a book by its cover author. If interacting with the author is a pleasant experience, we feel better about purchasing their books and even promoting them to our network of connections. Conversely, if an author is self-centered, self-promotes non-stop, spams everyone in sight, takes without giving in return and acts like an equestrian derriere, we would sooner suck nails through a straw than part with .99 that would benefit the jerk writer. A few of you were concerned, however, about how to be “liked.” No need to panic. Today’s post is here to help. Connecting with others is so simple that we frequently make it harder than it needs to be. Being likable doesn’t mean we need to be phoney.

There are a lot of different ways to do social media. My WANA methods rely heavily on learning to be part of a team, and, as we have discussed before, this is very contrary to traditional marketing. I believe social media works like a barn-raising. Everyone does a little bit for the good of the whole. Even just being mindful to do small things makes a huge difference in the long-run.

One of the biggest obstacles we face in social media is that we do have to limit the self-promotion. It turns people off and they really aren’t likely to listen when we go around tooting our own horn. What do we do then? We do what is counterintuitive…we support others.

The single largest determining factor as to whether a person will succeed or not on social media is our L.Q. Heard of I.Q.? Well, L.Q. is your Likabilty Quotient.

We don’t care how smart you are as much as we care if we LIKE you. When working on our social media platform, the ever-present questions should always be:

Do people like me?

I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. And there is no need to panic. Calm down. You don’t need to hide all your Star Trek paraphernalia and tell your friends to get in the closet. This isn’t high school, where popularity is based on stupid stuff.

Likability is important. Why? We hang out with people we like. We promote them. We go out of our way for them. We want them to succeed.

Our information can be the best on the web, but when pitted against another blogger with not-as-great-information…but she connects to readers and we don’t? The likable blogger will win. If she promotes others and we don’t? Again, she will win.

Being an excellent writer is not enough.  When we get out on social media (or even launch a blog) we must make sure we have good content. That is a no-brainer. I don’t know about you guys, but find it hard to like people in person who ramble or talk to hear the sound of their own voice. On the web, I like substance just as much.

But, in addition to that great content, we MUST actively work on how others perceive us. We must become likable. How to we become likable? We serve others first. Remember the barn-raising? Help them raise their barn, and most people will be more than happy to return the favor.

Top 10 Ways to Raise Your L.Q.

1. If we are on Twitter and we know an author writes great blogs, RT (retweet) for them. It only takes a minute of time, and it earns you a reputation of being an edifier.

2. Comment on blogs (REAL Comments). A healthy comments section is a sign of a healthy blog. Comments are encouraging to bloggers who take a lot of time to craft meaningful posts. When readers take time to comment, it has the potential to generate dialogue. Dialogue is critical for a blog to thrive.  I want comments on my blog, so I go out of my way to comment on the blogs of others.

3. Reply to comments on our own blogs. I wish I could reply to every single last one of you. You guys have no idea how much you make my day when you take the time to post feedback, compliments or even your opinions. Remember in social media, our goal is to form relationships. Relationships are two-way streets.

4. Visit the sites of those who post in your comments. You guys might not be aware, but I am always on the lookout for great blogs for the mash-up. I regularly click on your websites and blogs.

5. Embed trackbacks (hyperlinks)…um the blue thingies. Link to other blogs you like. Link to books you like. Hey, we need all the help we can get these days. There are A LOT of choices. Mash-ups (lists of favorite links/blogs) and even recommendations are a great way to help out other writers and generate more traffic to your blog at the same time. Everyone wins.

6. Blog about your favorite books, then link to that author’s book, home page or blog. Need blogging ideas? Go out of your way to promote others. Part of why I talk so much about Bob Mayer, James Scott Bell, Les Edgerton, Donald Maass, Blake Snyder, Jessica Morrell and Christopher Vogler is because these writers are my heroes. I believe that these are the best teachers in the industry. Now, instead of them having to go out and self-promote I have gifted them with the best gift a writer can have….a genuine word-of-mouth recommendation from a fan. Make life easy on other authors, and who knows? They might one day love to return the favor.

7. When you see a blog/book you like, take a moment to tweet the post or repost the link on your FB page. This helps the blogger/author gain exposure she otherwise wouldn’t have. It also benefits people in your circle of friends in that you are acting as a filter for great information…which helps your platform grow because people trust you for quality goods.

8. Openly praise. When I see a writer post a blog, I go out of my way to open, scan and take a look. Then, when I post, I make sure to add a “Great post!” or a “Very interesting!” Trust me. People remember an authentic compliment.

9. Repost someone else’s blog. Some people might get weird about this, but this is an amazing way to spread influence for you and the blogger you repost. Have the flu? Power outage and you don’t know how you will get a blog together in time? No worries. Just repost. How do you do this?

Give the title of the blog, and make it very clear you are reposting someone else’s content. Only give the first couple paragraphs…enough to hook a reader. Then add a hyperlink to the original blog. Now you have a blog post and the blogger you promoted now has exposure to your regular followers. I gain a lot of subscriptions this way. There are some people who had never heard of me until Marilag Lubag (Hi Marilag!) reposted one of my blogs. Her readers followed the hyperlink, loved my blog (in its entirety), and I have new fans. Yippppeeee!

10. At least hit the “Like” button. I know that sometimes I read blogs on my phone and I really don’t feel like trying to type out a compliment. I have a touch screen and there is an auto-correct function. My compliment would probably look like this:

 I loved your blood. You make so many grape poinsettias and I wish I wood have fought of it. Grape stuff. Looking forehead to next leek’s blood.

So if you don’t want a blogger thinking you want to “leak their blood” instead of “read their blog” it is fine. Hit the “Like” button. Takes two seconds and it encourages the writer who put their effort into the blonde…blood…blog. And they WILL remember your face.

You know, I didn’t always do things the right way. In the beginning, my blogs sounded more like lectures. Was I stuck up? No. Was I insecure and waiting for the digital cabbages to come flying through the screen? Yes. Fear of saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid or making a mistake can keep us from genuinely interacting. But when we fail to interact, what others see is a snob, not someone who is literally terrified that both feet will fly in her mouth. I know it doesn’t make sense, but humans are self-centered, insecure and neurotic.

If someone makes a weird face, we automatically assume they are looking at our fat thighs (okay, maybe that is just me). We don’t stop to think that person might be shy. Why? Because we are paranoid narcissists and like to believe we influence everything. It’s a control thing. You know I am right :D. You, in the back, lurking on my blog. We do like you, you just were so quiet you blended in with HTML. Come hang out. Have a snack.

Can you spot the writer?

Being likable is far easier than it seems. I guarantee you that if you just employ a handful of those ten tactics, your following will improve tremendously. Why? Because you will be giving others what we all desperately need…support, validation, compliments.

What are some habits/behaviors that you guys LIKE? What small or big things can others do that just warms your heart and puts you on their team? Conversely, what are some pet peeves? Maybe we are screwing up but don’t know. Educate us! I want to hear from you guys.

I LOVE hearing from you!

And to prove it and show my love, for the month of February, everyone who leaves a comment I will put your name in a hat. If you comment and link back to my blog on your blog, you get your name in the hat twice. If you leave a comment, and link back to my blog, and mention my book We Are Not Alone in your blog…you get your name in the hat THREE times. What do you win? The unvarnished truth from yours truly.

I will pick a winner every week for a critique of your first five pages. At the end of February I will pick a winner for the grand prize. A free critique from me on the first 15 pages of your novel. Good luck!

I also hope you pick up copies of my best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer . Both books are ON SALE for $4.99!!!! And both are recommended by the hottest agents and biggest authors in the biz. My methods teach you how to make building your author platform FUN. Build a platform and still have time left to write great books.

Twitter Tuesday #21–The Power of Names

 

Welcome to the twenty-first installment of Twitter Tuesday. In the spirit of Twitter, this blog will be short and sweet and to the point. The tips offered here are all based off my best-selling book We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. If our goal is to build an author platform in the thousands to tens of thousands, then we will have to approach Twitter differently than a faceless corporation or even the regular person who does not possess a goal of becoming a brand. My tips will help you rule the Twitterverse without devolving into a spam bot.

This Week’s Fail Whale–Tunnel-Vision Tweeter

There is nothing especially wrong with being a Tunnel-Vision Tweeter except that it will limit much of what Twitter has to offer. Twitter, when used properly, is about communicating and creating relationships. I know many of us are terrified of saying the wrong thing. Well, I used to be and then learned to not take myself so seriously. Your fellow tweeps are not scouring every word you type waiting to pounce if you make a mistake. This is not to give license to be stupid…*cough* Weiner *giggle*…but it is to help you relax so you’ll feel free to just hang out and chat.

Many times I will see people on Twitter who never talk to anyone else. If you pull up their profile and feed, it is one link after another or one RT after another. We can look at the tweets and see we aren’t dealing with a bot…but it doesn’t feel like we are quite dealing with a human either. Take time to talk to people. Many of us are on Twitter because we are bored, lonely, or looking for friends. The best way to make a friend is to be a friend. This Week’s Twitter Tip–Understand the Power of Names

Want to learn a tactic that will make friends faster than virtually any other habit? Get in the habit of using and remembering names. I have an uncanny recall of names. I’ve had clerks who help me whom I haven’t seen in weeks or months, and it is always so fun to see the look of shock on their faces when I call them by name. I haven’t always been good with names. Heck most of my life, I was lucky to recall my own name. Then I learned a neat technique for recalling names.

Use them. That simple.

One of the reasons we forget names, is we fail to use them. We completely bypass introductions and just start chatting. Hey, I am still guilty. But, most of the time, I go out of my way to use a person’s name at least three times. The criticism for this tactic is we risk sounding silly, but I feel we sound even sillier when we have to say, “Yeah, I know we’ve been chatting for ages, but what is your name?”

Whenever we thank someone we don’t know on Twitter for maybe a compliment or a RT, try to get in the habit of thanking that person by name. Yes, it might take a second to click on the profile, but that is the entire reason it is so special. We are giving time, effort and consideration. Look for every opportunity to call someone you don’t know by his or her name. It might seem like an insignificant detail, but it matters more than we can really appreciate. I like it when someone takes the time to use my name. Why would others be different? It adds a personal touch that will set you heads and shoulders above your peers. Why? You are taking time to make someone else feel unique, special and valued. Yes, it is a small detail, but the difference between magnificence and mediocrity is in the little things ;).

Tweet ya later!

 

 

Blogging Part 8–Connecting with the Readers

 

Welcome to WANA Wednesday, based off my best-selling book, We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. This is the day I dedicate to help you guys rock it hard when it comes to social media. For the past two months, we have been discussing blogging. If you are new to the blog, I recommend going back and reading the previous lessons. It will save you a lot of time and heartbreak. I am going to assume all of you are clever enough to look to the sidebar to take you there ;).

For the past eight weeks, we have discussed blogging from almost every angle. Today we are going to discuss ways to make our blog connect with our readership. I read too many blogs that sound like the author is lecturing, ranting or having a party all to herself. Those blogs do not connect with me, and I doubt I’m alone in this. I have to admit, in the beginning, I was a lousy blogger. Make no mistake, I was an excellent writer, but blogging is more than preaching…it’s connecting. When I look at my early blogs even on this site, I see how my language, my topics and even my writing “voice” failed to connect with the reading audience.

Actually, the tactics I will show you today are so simple you are probably going to smack your forehead. So much of this is common sense, but as humans (particularly writer humans) we love to overcomplicate things. This is why I suck at True and False. Choose ONE? Can’t I write an essay? Why am I sweating? Is my shirt on backwards?

Dichotomy is my enemy. But back to blogs.

When we decide to vest ourselves in social media, it is smart for us to pull back from the gidgets and gadgets and whats-its to look at WHY people are on social media. What do they want? Information and entertainment. No, what do they really want? Connection. Noooo, what do they really, really want? Relationship. We are people, and we need connection to stay sane. We crave attention and praise, and we like to feel as if we matter. People who intrinsically understand this principle will enjoy far more success in all realms of social media, whether it is a blog, a tweet or even a status update.

Feed the real need. Relationship.

How are relationships created? With dialogue. Have you ever met someone who was witty and charming and interesting…but they never shut up (*whistles and looks away guiltily*)? They go on and on dazzling you with stories and jokes, but yet there is still something lacking. On the other hand, have you ever met someone who asked about you? Your thoughts, your opinions, and your ideas? They patiently listened and even seemed interested? We LOVE these people, but they are so rare.

Why?

I believe it has to do with fear. We feel we don’t have much to offer so we put on a good show, failing to understand that we don’t have to jump out of planes or go on safari to be interesting. All we have to do to be perceived as interesting, is to genuinely be interested.

If you go back and look at the early posts on this blog, it is easy to spot that I was very insecure. You can also see that I really wasn’t engaging with readers. How? Very few comments, but we will talk on that more in a bit.

Thus, though trial and error, I have found some ways that can make your blog feel more intimate and engaging.

Pay Attention to Your Pronouns

Throughout this blogging series I have emphasized over and over that we are serving the reader first. Our blog is a service. We must be careful how many times we use the pronouns “I” and “you.”

If our blogs are full of sentences with “I, I, I, I, I”…then we risk coming across as self-centered. We will be like that person at the party who only talks about herself. Can we use “I?” Yes, duh. We just need to do a quick sweep and make sure we don’t have a personal pronoun infestation. If we go on and on with “I, I, I, I” it makes it hard for readers to feel as if they are part of a conversation, and leaves them feeling like spectators. This isn’t entirely bad, but blogs that grow the fastest create dialogue.

“You” is another pronoun that can get us in trouble. How? Subconsciously, it places the author and the audience on opposing sides of a dividing line. One is right and one is wrong. Too many “you, you, yous” and the reader likely will feel more like she’s being lectured or chastised, and that doesn’t make for a positive experience this reader will want to repeat.

Notice in my blogs that I go out of my way to use “we,” “us,” and “ours.” Why do I do that? First of all, it is because I need to be mindful that I am not above my own advice. Also, because most of my blogs are instructional, inclusive pronouns are the best way to calm your nerves, ease your fears, and help you begin to feel as if you are part of my team…which you guys are. It is my subtle way of joining forces with you. Choosing inclusive pronouns subconsciously impresses on you (my readers) that I am on your side, and that social media is our collective endeavor…because it is!

Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, I wasn’t born knowing social media. Most self-help or instructional experts would be wise to admit openly that they weren’t always perfect. It connects us as teachers to those who desire to learn from what we have to say. We can be professional and empathetic without losing the respect of others. In fact, when we come down to a human level, it helps our audience learn faster because it peels away that layer of fear. Our audience feels as if we understand them on a far more intimate level because we have battled the same dragons.

Ask Questions

As a social media “expert” it is really easy to slip into “Know-It-All Mode” super fast. I used to feel that asking questions at the end of a blog was dangerous for a NF author, but I believe that was from my own insecurity at the time. People who are truly secure do not mind a different perspective, and, in fact, should welcome it. I grow every day from the comments posted here. Many of you have life experiences and insight that offer a totally unique perspective I might not have thought about. When readers offer comments, insights and opinions, it challenges me and makes me grow. It offers fresh content that makes my teachings more dynamic. I don’t always have to agree, but if I am confident in what I know, then a different opinion (offered respectfully) should be welcomed.

Dialogue is very important. Try to have questions at the end of all of your posts. Actively spark conversation. In fact, often I reserve information, because I like challenging you, my readers, to rise to the occasion and give your thoughts. If I cover every detail, then not only does that make my blog too long, but then no one has anything to add. What fun is that?

Look for the Common Emotional Ground

We can blog on all kinds of topics, but the ones that will resonate are the ones with a central theme. Common emotional ground builds instant rapport. For instance, I could tell some great tales of living in a refugee camp in Syria (which I did). The story would probably be interesting, but would it engage? What if I took it to another level and added a universal theme? Instead of focusing on life among the bedouin and the refugees, I could talk about the profound loneliness of living so far away from home surrounded by people I couldn’t communicate with effectively (my Arabic was less than stellar). Almost everyone can relate to being homesick or lonely or misunderstood. Now this exotic story (blog) is far more intimate, and opens a way for readers to offer their stories and, ultimately, connect.

Most of us feel a need to be heard and understood. We long for relationship and like people who care about what we have to say. As bloggers, if we will give others something more to take away than simple entertainment or information, we have the foundation for a hit blog.

What are some things I missed? What element makes you guys feel really connected to a blog or blogger? What is it about style or voice that draws you back week after week?

Happy writing!

Until next time…..

This week, I do not have a Mash Up of Awesomeness. I am in the process of doing the final edit for my new book Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. I simply have not had enough time to read blogs like normal and collect them for you, so I hope you will forgive me. I don’t believe in posting stuff I don’t read first. Thanks for understanding. I am super-excited about this new book, and the Mash Up of Awesomeness will likely resume next Wednesday.

In the meantime, if you don’t already own a copy, my best-selling book We Are Not Alone–The Writers Guide to Social Media is recommended by literary agents and endorsed by NY Times best-selling authors. My method is free, fast, simple and leaves time to write more books.

Also, I highly recommend the Write It Forward Workshops. Learn all about plotting, how to write great characters, and even how to self-publish successfully…all from the best in the industry. I will be teaching on social media and building a brand in March. For $20 a workshop, you can change your destiny….all from the comfort of home.